Of Weeds and Rose
by Tibbins
Summary: Rose is falling deeper into the Darkness. Can she overcome everything? Or will she be consumed by it? Angsty and dark. You are warned! RosexDimitri I suck at summaries, please read, if you don't like it you can always press back :D
1. Cold

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters... but if Richelle Meade wanted to give me Dimitri then I wouldn't complain (hint hint)**

**This is my first VA fanfic, i need to know if you like it or I won't continue it, please review :D I even welcome criticism, (preferably constructive)**

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Rose's POV

I was shivering. Badly, and I have no idea why. I mean I was in bed, fully dressed with an extra thick jumper on and I was still freezing. Drifting off slightly, I tuned into Lissa and the heat wave that hit me was such that I started thinking I was ill. Dhampirs don't get sick all that often, and when they do it usually only lasts a few days, apparently we have good immune systems or something like that.

***

Lissa was on her mini balcony in a tank top and shorts, another thing that made me think i was CWC (Cold Without Cause cool eh?) hand in hand with Christian which made me want to get out of there but the warmth was so _nice; _and anyway they were only watching the sunrise in silence, she wasn't tired yet but she knew that it wouldn't be long before they would have to go inside or the sun would make them uncomfortable. She was happy. She was so happy and content that it just isn't fair, I-no _she _wanted Christian and her to stay that way forever, holding onto the moment. They did stay like that for maybe an hour or more.  
Lissa was thinking about me, wondering if I was OK. Since we were dragged back to the Acadamy by Dimitri Belikov, (my totally hot Russian mentor who I do admit to having a bit more than a crush on, but only to myself. I hadn't even told Lissa.) She thinks i've changed, I mean, lately I haven't spent as much time with her as I used to, because Dimitri doubled my extra training sessions with him since I nagged him for about a month to teach me to fight. She thinks I look tired and drawn, despite my snarky attitude and with a pang in my own chest I realise that thoughts of me are what is stopping her from being purely happy at that moment, that and the magic, constantly taunting her, it's a good thing Christian is there or she may have had to use the mysterious spirit element, just to shut it up for a bit. Love stopped her.

When the sun was just enough to make Moroi feel the effects; Christian wrapped his arm around her shoulders and I felt her skin tingle, she leaned into him, breathing his scent, then they turned around and …

***

Whoa. The connection faded and I was hit by the cold again, ugh, this sucked. I turned over thinking about what Lissa had been feeling, how much I ached for one _moment_ of that complete love and happiness that she felt for Christian. Only… not with Christian, I would much rather someone really tall, and maybe who had a Russian accent…

I sighed. This was _sooo _not helping me feel better; I decided to take a hot shower; that might warm me up.

I winced as I flung the duvet off me and allowed even more cold to seep its way into my body and padded to the bathroom,

Removing my clothes was _beyond _painful, as each layer hit the floor, more freezing air would blast into me, and pretty soon, my teeth were chattering as if I were a nudist in Antarctica … or maybe Siberia.

I allowed myself a wry smile before stepping into the shower. When I said _hot_ shower I meant HOT, it was on full heat blast which was enough to make my skin blister slightly, but I couldn't feel it, to me it was lukewarm at best, the cold had gotten into my bones, chilling me to my core, still it was better than the barrage of icy air so I stayed under until the hot water started to run out, then I wrapped a towel (that I had put on the radiator) around me, as I passed the mirror I groaned, I looked a mess,

My skin was red raw and blistered in places, I winced from the sight, but I couldn't feel it, I shrugged and went to blow dry my hair, turning it on my body as well in hope of feeling warmth.

No such luck.

I dressed in my warmest PJs and my fluffy bed socks. Still not warm I threw on three jumpers and jumped into bed. There really wasn't much else I could do, and I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep.

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**OK heres the deal, I need at least 5 reviews before I continue this story, I know there isn't much plot yet but it will get better ... Promise! but only if you review :)**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	2. Ice

**Hey people, I know I said I wanted 5 reviews, and I only got 3, but I would hate to dissappoint them, so here you are guys, those 3 that reviewed, this is for you and thanks :)**

**Belikov is mine (in my dreams) but everything else belongs to Richelle Meade**

Rose's POV

When I awoke, my alarm was bleeping at me. I groaned and knocked it to the floor instead of hitting it off, where it continued its infernal bleeping. Ugh.

'FINE!' I yelled flinging the covers off me, only to hiss with the icy cold shock, still, I resisted the temptation to curl back up; mainly because my alarm was really getting on my nerves, I stamped around and kicked the bloody thing against the wall, where it gave one last bleep, and flat lined,

I gave a satisfied smile before worrying about my temperature, it was still definitely below normal, I sighed, oh well, I had better things to do than worry about me, like,  
Practice with Dimitri for instance,

I shivered violently as I stripped off my clothes to change into a short sleeved black t shirt (so Dimitri wouldn't think anything was amiss) and my baggy sweats. I was about to leave, but a shudder ran through my body, so strong I practically doubled up, so I threw on a sweater to keep myself freezing to the spot.

***

As I walked to the gym (I was only a little bit late) I looked out the window to see the sunset, and yes it was beautiful, with the entire sky tinged yellow and pink, but I still grumbled, I was sooo not a morning person.

I pushed open the gym doors to see my Russian God, lying on the mats, propped up on one elbow, flipping through an obviously well used western novel, he didn't hear me come in, so I allowed myself a grin as he turned the page.

'Hey Comrade, you know that book looks so abused I'm seriously gonna call social services on you' he jumped slightly at the sound of my voice, and as he processed what I was saying, gave me one of those half smiles, then he did a double take

'Rose?' Jeesh I must've looked worse than I thought 'Are you alright?' concern shone out of those liquid brown eyes, but I refused to melt, instead I replied…Rose style.

'Never better Comrade' I forced myself to laugh 'what moves are you showing me today?' I ran a hand through my tied back hair and fluttered my lashes in (I hoped) a jokey yet flirtatious way, enough to make him think I really was normal,

He didn't buy it completely, but he let it go. He rolled his eyes and grunted

'15 laps' before he got up and looked longingly at the book he left on the floor 'I'll run with you today'

Shit, this is sooo not what I needed right now, I knew he was only coming to make sure I was OK, and I also knew that if I protested too much then he would make me go back to bed or something, bugger that man, I couldn't win, despite the fact that I _did_ want to go back to bed I hated being ill, so when I was, I ignored it, sure I had never been this cold in my life before but hey, what didn't kill me made me stronger. And what did made me shadow kissed. Or dead.

So I scowled at Dimitri and grumbled 'Whatever' before heading outside to the track.

If I thought the gym was cold, it was nothing to the icy air that battered me as I reached the track, I trembled inwardly, refusing to let the shivers show on my skin, Dimitri jogged beside me as I started running, it warmed me up slightly and I didn't want to stop, Dimitri had shed his jumper before coming outside but I kept mine on, too soon, the 15 laps were over, I wanted to continue but Dimitri grabbed my bare wrist,

He pulled away almost instantly, and I turned to look at him, scared that he'd noticed something wrong

'Jesus Rose! You're freezing!' I shivered again but looked back at him defiantly

'I'm fine' I insisted,

Dimitri raised his hand and placed it gently on my cold cheek; in his chocolate eyes, worry was clear

'Then why have your lips gone blue?'

**OK guys there you are, Please lets aim for 5 reviews this time or I may not continue, ;p. I know I still have yet to get to the plot, to be honest, I still have yet to make it up... but it WILL be good... I promise :) if you think it is crap, tell me so, but just so you know i've had a really bad day today, i have a killer headache and i have a 5 hour ICT GCSE exam tomorrow so good reviews will help me pass (i hope) and I wrote this in like half an hour and I'm only UDing 'cause I didnt want to disappoint anyone.**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	3. Fire

**Hey people :D you guys are so sweet XD thank you for all the tips and stuff, tis duly noted :) **

**And by the way, im sorry for not UD yesterday, i was about to when my dad turned the internet off, (grr) so to make up for it, I may post another chapter later tonight, but you have to let me know if you want it :D **

**I own nothing, which totally sucks :(**

Rose's POV

Ah shit.

Dimitri dropped his hand from my cheek and let his arms fold across his chest; he drew himself up to his full height so he looked big, and scary with a no nonsense attitude, my Tough Love mentor.

'Look Dimitri' I said, trying to act nonchalant, 'it's nothing you need to worry about' I gave my man eater smile, as best I could through chattering teeth, I flipped my dark ponytail over my shoulder, where it was trailing around my sternum knowing that the deep black (as it looked with the sun now almost completely gone) would only accentuate the blue tinge on my skin,

But this time, my Russian God wasn't going to give up, he sighed and looked at me, I mean _really_ looked at me,

OK so usually I was hot bordering on sexy goddess (or so I was told, not that I'm vain … much) but sleepless nights never ending cold and now apparently blue skin (slightly blistered on my arms and legs... among other places from the shower incident) was obviously taking its toll on my appearance but I didn't expect him to wince as he gave me the once over. Great.

Damn Dimitri Belikov, Only _he_ could make me feel that fucking self conscious.

'Rose' he warned.

'Fine! I'm cold, is that a crime?' I shot back; looking down at the floor when I realised how stupid that sounded, I knew I was being ridiculous, but I hated feeling weak, and I hated how Dimitri treated me like a kid who needs her hand held …

On second thoughts, holding Dimitri's hand didn't seem that bad an idea … hmmm …

'Cold?' he asked, he cocked his head slightly to the left, 'Roza, It's August' my eyes flashed upwards to meet his at the sound of my Russian name, I loved the sound of it, I loved the way he said it, I loved the way it rolled off his tongue like it was the most precious word he could ever say.

'Try telling my body that' I mumbled, still staring into his eyes; they were mesmerising. Melted milk chocolate with just a hint of fire.

He probably didn't know it, but I could read his whole life through his eyes, I could tell when he was hurt, they would glaze over with sadness and pain, when he was angry, the fire blazed in them, almost eliminating the sweetness of the chocolate, and when he was happy, those eyes were most beautiful of all, the fire would dance merrily and the chocolate would swirl with light and joy … all before he realised and they would turn hard, not allowing himself a moment of emotion.

For once, I broke contact first, those eyes were none and all of those emotions now and I just couldn't bear to look at them any longer;

they were scrunched up in worry, glazed in hurt and, fiery with anger and gentle with kindness, all directed towards one focused point, me.

'Here' he said after a long pause, he grabbed his discarded duster and gently laid it carefully over my shoulders.

That's when it hit me, the warmth; it leaked down from the duster and through my body until it was ablaze with the fire that I see so often in Christian's eyes. I had only just woken up and had decided to go for a walk to Christian's dorm, I didn't usually break the rules, but hey, if Rose could do it, so could I.

I waited outside his door, to make sure the coast was clear and was about to knock when I heard voices, wondering who on earth he could be talking to and did a very, un me like thing, I eavesdropped. I grinned as I pressed my ear to the door, Rose had rubbed off on me. I wondered who he was talking to, and if it was about me,

My grin slid off my face when Christian started talking again

'Oh Yeah, Rose will be down later. I know I pretend to hate her but really? Wow! The best I've ever had! So much better than royal princess Lissa!'

My eyes widened at the sound of such spite when he said my name and the sound of lust when he talked about … _her._ But oh no, he wasn't done yet

'Mind you, Lissa looks better than Rose, being Royal and Moroi and all that. But Rose is feisty like you would never imagine; and of course she has _loads _of experience, in fact, I don't think there is any male in this school she hasn't had yet, except the teachers, and even then she's working on the younger ones. Lissa on the other hand has no idea what to do! And she wouldn't let me do what Rose does. The poor princess, she's so infatuated with me it's pathetic! _Oh Christian, I _love_ you Christian!' _He laughed cruelly at the high pitched, silly impersination of my voice.

I jerked my head away, not wanting to listen to any more, forgetting that I wanted to know who he was talking to, forgetting that I shouldn't be there, forgetting the tears streaming down my face forgetting everything but the thought that Rose and Christian were ...

I couldn't believe this was happening. I thought that Christian would never say such things and _Rose_?!

She was my best friend, but this? Was she capable? Could she, _Would_ she do this to me?

_Of course she would _piped up a little voice at the back of my mind, one I had never heard before _she has been around the entire school, do you really think she holds that much respect that she would stop at _Christian_? _I shook my head and stumbled away from the door, making my way purposefully down the hall, the fiery anger simmering inside of me. Rose would be at the track now, or in the gym training; I would talk this through calmly with her and find out _why the hell she is sleeping with my BOYFRIEND! _

I increased my pace towards the gym, thoughts swirling in my head screaming at me

_The filthy bitch, how fucking DARE she? She had the opportunity; she has the bond, so she can tell when Christian is alone! _

_Did she force herself on him until he gave in or was he willing from the start? Sick of 'Royal Princess Lissa!'?_

I didn't have any answers yet and I didn't know what I was going to do, _apart from Rose_. The voice was telling me. The white hot fire and anger coursed through my body, extinguishing the little self control I had left.

Yes, I was going to find Rose, I was going to find her, and then I was going to kill her!

**So ... you like?**

**the plot has begun muahaha. I got my 5 reviews for the last chapter, thank you guys :D **

**shall we make it 10? Please please pretty please? **

**And guys, I honestly need to know, was Lissa's reaction realistic? Should I change it? Does it happen too fast? Tell me these things when you review**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	4. Frozen

**Hey everyone, you guys are brilliant, seriously I mean it! Your reviews make me warm and fuzzy, so here is another chapter especially for you guys.**

**If Dimitri wants to own _me _I wouldn't complain. Lucky Richelle Meade (grumbles)**

Rose's POV

Shit.

'Rose! Rose?' sounded a voice. I looked up at him, eyes wide and most likely scared, Dimitri was suddenly in guardian mode, but he still looked worried for me, I guess I must still be blue.

'Is it Lissa?'

I didn't know how to respond to that one so I just said the first thing that came into my head

'What the hell just happened?'

Let me get this straight:

Lissa overheard Christian talking about how we were sleeping together (EEEEEEEW no way! As if!) and how I've 'had' practically every male in this school (Also not true, I am still happily a virgin)

Lissa is mad (understandable but irrational)

Lissa is on her way to kill me (eep!)

?

And when I say Lissa wants to kill me I mean KILL. She has some pretty murderous thoughts at the moment, directed towards me.

Dimitri was gob smacked (at any other time I would have found this _beyond _hilarious), he was just standing there as I processed this through my sluggish brain looking at me with concern, and what appears to be worry for my mental health (I'm a bit more worried about my _physical_ health when Lissa gets here.)

Shit, again.

'Rose, what's going on?' I shook my head, still dazed. I don't know what to do, should I run and wait for her to calm down? Or should I let her confront me and get all the anger out that way?

I have never felt so insecure in my life.

The cold made my choice for me, it gushed into me in torrents, freezing me to the spot; it was the most I could do to glance up at Dimitri in horror. He looked back at me, confused, concerned and helpless. The rising half moon above his head shone brightly, illuminating him, and the stars surrounding it outlined it further, making it all the more beautiful; it looked like a halo. My Russian angel. And boy was I going to need him.

Lissa was getting closer, she had checked the gym and was now heading towards the track, the anger burned inside of her, I could see myself as I came into her view, as soon as she set her eyes on me, there was such an explosion of darkness it made me fall to my knees, well… it would have done if they weren't locked in place. Lissa didn't feel like that, she _couldn't_, she just wasn't able to,

_This wasn't Lissa._

I returned to my own head and slowly turned to see Lissa's face, contorted with fury and pain, but mainly fury. At me.

'Rose, why the _fuck _have you been sleeping with Christian; MY BOYFRIEND!?' she shrieked, she yelled so loudly that on the other edge of the track, a flock of roosting birds took squawking to the sky.

I winced and Dimitri flinched, hurt prominent in those liquid eyes, before all previous concern, evaporated, leaving only anger,

'You _what _Rose?' he whispered dangerously.

I gulped. At that moment, I had never been more scared in my life, everyone around me had changed in the short space of … I don't know how long but not very,

Christian was … insane if he thought I was sleeping with him, and he _definitely _did not like me like that, and the feeling is absolutely mutual. Not Christian

Lissa was filled with darkness and anger and negativity, something that I had never known before, there wasn't even a glimpse of guilt at the possibility of having jumped to the wrong conclusions which would have been certain had it been Lissa. Not Lissa

And Dimitri was suddenly looking at me as if one word of doubt has cast a shadow on his entire outlook on me. Not one shred of trust. Not Dimitri

During this time my mouth had been gaping open and shut like a fish. I couldn't think of anything to say. Not me.

'What? Nothing to say for once Rose?' Lissa laughed scornfully 'Well unlike you I have plenty to say. Not only have you fucked Christian, but you've fucked every creature with a _fucking dick _at this godforsaken school! I am going to make your life _hell _Hathaway. I am going to put you down so low that not even Satan will welcome you into the sewers of Hell. You are a two faced, two timing, spineless; shitty little slut of a BLOOD WHORE!'

I flinched at the absolute malice in her voice. All I could do was blink at her. If anyone else had said that, I would have lunged at them at 'unlike' but this was different, this was _Lissa. _My best friend, my _sister_. But it wasn't. And Dimitri, was just standing there, not intervening, not giving Zen lessons about 'fighting' or 'rules', just looking at me with pure resentment and even _hate_!

So I did the most painful thing I have ever done in my life

I ran.

**Sooo. There you go. PLEASE tell me what you think, did I go into enough detail? too much? Did I show Rose's feelings well enough? DO YOU LIKE CHICKEN PIE? Anything just please please please review!!**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	5. Whispers

**Hey guys. I am SO sorry that I haven't updated in a while, i've had loads of homework and stuff that had to be done. Not to mention that its my BIRTHDAY on monday!! WOOOP, so of course the party on sunday required a lot of planning :) **

**This is the next chapter (sorry it's a bit short) and as usual I promised to play nicely with Richelle Meads characters ... well. Depends how you define 'nicely'**

Rose's POV

Dimitri's lessons must have been paying off because I was in my dorm room in less than three minutes. I locked the door behind me and threw myself onto the bed even though I was too worked up to go back to sleep for an hour and a half until lessons began, so I stared up at the ceiling for an hour, thoughts swirling inside my brain that mostly consisted of

_What the FUCK?!_

I was sooo confused! I mean it's not like I … and it's not like Lissa would think …

But I didn't and she does, I can feel it. Pure hate and anger radiated off her whenever her thoughts drifted to me.

Surprisingly she felt no such feelings towards Christian, in fact, with him she was acting like nothing happened. She had had the expected confrontation and he apologized and that he loved her and what he had done with me (or NOT done with me and he gave _very_ graphic details at her request, God knows how) had been purely physical and that I was nothing but a cheap blood whore.

Great.

I made my way to class very subdued. I hadn't cried though. I refused to shed a single tear over some stupid misunderstanding that obviously involved Christian on crack.

At least, that's my theory.

I think I worried the crap out of Stan. I only made one sarcastic remark all lesson! And boy he looked so relieved I didn't even get into trouble, he just rolled his eyes and snapped

'Thank God Hathaway. I was beginning to think you were ill.'

If only he knew that as I glared at him I felt that familiarly unpleasant trickle of cold returning to my bone marrow and I tremor ran down my spine.

The rest of the morning classes were uneventful, on my end anyway.

Lissa on the other hand, was getting to work on 'making my life hell' as she so charmingly put it.  
She told Jesse and Ralf to start up the rumours that had stopped ages ago and to tell their 'gang' to start them up too. She didn't even need to resort to compulsion or what Mia did, they were that willing.

And they did. At lunch (where I sat on a table by myself) you could practically see the news being passed around from table to table and as before, stares and comments of 'blood whore' and 'slut' floated over to me.

Despite the cold and the whispers that followed me I was still worried about Lissa. This wasn't like her at all! She wasn't even this bad to Mia. And she definitely didn't feel this smug satisfaction when she had broken her.

I wondered for the billionth time what the hell was going on here and why?

After lunch, classes were definitely worse for me than beforehand.  
Mixed with the Moroi, Royals and non royals not to mention the other Novices; although not all had heard the news they soon would.

And when they did I heard lewd suggestions and hisses of laughter and of course, notes passed my way that read things like

'my turn next' and 'when can I book an appointment?' and 'Will you be my personal feeder?'

not to mention of course the constant barrage from the girls who wrote predictable stuff like 'stay away from my boyfriend'

and the obvious

'Blood Whore.'

**OOH. Poor Rose :( **

**So there you have it! **

**By the way, you guys are so sweet! This story has over TWENTY reviews!! And ALL of them are positive :D **

**Thanks guys but lets see if we can get up to 30 shall we? PLEASE pwetty pweeeeazzzze? **

**Coz I need to know how I did so I can do better, and reviews will make it NOT RAIN on sunday!! :D**

**Love you all**

**Tibbins xx**


	6. Memories

**Hey guys, The reason I haven't updated is because I was sad :'( **

**I was sad because My last chapter only got two reviews *awwwwwwww***

**But I thought it wasn't fair to those two who did review to not continue**

**So here it is :D**

**The insanely lucky Richelle Mead owns all!**

Rose's POV

I kept my head down and didn't react; didn't let them know how much this was getting to me. And oh yes. It was getting to me. Big time.

Lissa was getting a cruel satisfaction out of seeing me suffer. In fact, by Slavic Arts she was positively radiating smugness. This was not like her. At all!

Only Dimitri was treating me amicably. He was ignoring me. He didn't even glance my way once although the only class he wasn't in with me was Slavic Arts (a particularly bad class).

His face was blank and unreadable to an untrained eye. But I could see anger churning within the depths of his eyes; anger at me.

I made my way as slowly as possible to the gym after class. Usually I practically ran, but not today.

'Rose.' He acknowledged me as I pushed open the doors, his voice as stony as his 'guardian mask'. I blinked hard, trying to ignore the tenor of disgust as he said my name. Instead I walked up to him.

'Laps?' I asked and he nodded

'30' I inclined my head and made my way to the track. Blocking out the painful memory of what had happened there only this morning.

It was nearly dawn; a yellow tinge was kissing the stars as they were fading into the watery greyness of the sky. The moon was sinking and the few clouds skittered quickly across it, blocking out some of its milky light.

I sighed as I ran, admiring the barren beauty of the Montana landscape. It helped with the dull ache in my chest and the chill that still gnawed at my bones.

When I was done I wandered back to the gym; Dimitri was waiting for me, standing ready, practice stake in hand and he threw it to me almost the second I walked through the door.

I want to say I caught it one handed, but instead I fumbled and nearly dropped the bloody thing. Dimitri let out a little cough that may have been hiding a chuckle. I smiled at him tentatively, daring to look into his bottomless eyes, but they turned cold the instant mine made contact.

I looked away quickly and a shiver rippled down my spine; my smile fading, in my peripheral vision, Dimitri took a seemingly involuntary step forward, his brow furrowed in concern before he stopped himself. Anger became apparent again.

Damn his self control.

'Are you alright to spar?' he asked in a clipped tone. I looked up and nodded; it may help my mind to clear.

We moved to the mats and in unison we both sank into an offensive position; I quickly changed mine to defensive as he aimed a punch to my stomach that I promptly blocked, I roundhouse kicked him but he merely grabbed my ankle and twisted it so that it made my whole body turn, face first on the mat, I rolled over just in time to see Dimitri looming over me; ready to pin me down, this time he got a few hits on me but I struggled and managed to land a blow to his left temple with my elbow, I used his momentary distraction to wriggle free and get him in a headlock, I reached round his broad chest with my stake and positioned it over his heart.

I let Dimitri go and he stood, looking truly terrifying. I shivered again, and bit my lip as this tremor refused to stop. The cold intensified and I stood there trembling. My chest felt like it was clamming up, and it was a struggle to breathe. Nevertheless I straightened my back tried to reduce the outward sign of the cold. I could not, _would not _appear weak right now.

Dimitri's expression was torn, on the one hand he thought I was a slag who couldn't walk past a male without fucking it; on the other, I was his student who (by the shocked look on his face) looked like she was dying.

Before he could make a decision however, I decided to speak first

'I am_ not _a blood whore.' I whispered, before forcing my frozen body to flee.

My mobile rang again on the dresser.  
You guessed it. Lissa had posted my number on every noticeboard she could find and practically the entire campus was calling it. I ignored it and turned over on my bed. I was contemplating turning it off but I didn't think my arms would move.

It was an hour after practice. 40 minutes after I had finished all my homework (I know right? Shock, horror!).

I was lying in bed, trying to sleep and ignore the tremor of ice that seemed to be permanently lodged into my spinal column.

As my phone rang, yet again I rolled over and grabbed it, checking the number (unknown) before switching it off and putting it into my desk drawer.

As I lay there I was aware of a familiar hum of feeling that wasn't mine, Lissa was with Christian; the feeling that something wasn't right intensified. Normally the two lovebirds were gentle and kind with each other, but at the moment they were joking sarcastically and making small digs at the other which would have been considered normal by anyone _other _than Lissa and Christian.

'I'm glad you're making Rose pay' Christian murmured 'She was really tiring me out, and she had to keep leaving because she had 'other guys' to screw.' He laughed darkly as Lissa flushed pink.

'I never would have thought that she would stoop so low. She is such a bitch! I can't wait to see how she reacts when I get Adrian against her too!' She laughed cruelly.

Oh great, I hadn't seen Adrian in a while but when I last had at least he was nice to me.

Someone knocked on the door, Lissa and Christian didn't react, they kissed instead

_Knock, knock, knock._

'Rose!'

My eyes flew open. I flung the covers off me, ignoring the icy air.

Then I slowed down, I padded across the room and cautiously opened the door a crack.

'Dimitri?' I whispered as if it was too good to be true, and it was!

'Rose, I just wanted to say that …' he trailed off

His eyes showed pity and concern, was he going to say he believed in me? That he was sorry?

'Yes?' I prompted holding my breath

'Practice is cancelled indefinitely, I will remain your mentor and will check up on you every so often but you no longer need extra classes. It will give you more free time for … other things'

My body convulsed like he had just punched me in the stomach, the shudder returned,

He … Dimitri thought I was … He thought I was Blood Whore and a slut. After everything! After the first set of rumours, Natalie, Spokane, Mason, everything!

And that realisation, hurt. It hurt more than a punch in the gut.

The ice seemed to get trapped in a nerve and I jolted to the side, breathing heavily.

Dimitri was standing there, looking like he very much wanted to go but it was against his principles to leave me here when I obviously looked ill.

I shook my head

'Ok. You can go now. I'm fine' I whispered, avoiding his eyes. Dimitri nodded once and turned away.

I shut the door and locked it; then I slid down it so I ended up in a crumpled heap on the pale carpet,

I wrapped my arms around my knees and started rocking back and forth in a futile attempt to comfort myself,

I let out a sob that caught in my throat and made me choke a little.

A solitary tear rolled down my cheek, leaving a glistening wet trail in its wake.

**So, there you have it :)**

**What do you think? Was I too mean to Rose? Was Lissa and Christians little scene believable? Were the reactions ok?**

**I got quite a bit of Dimitri in there at request of those two who reviewed **

**Let me know if you liked it or not. Please!!**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	7. Nightmares

**Hey guys, here is another chapter for you :) I got loads of nice and positive reviews and some that said i was too mean to Rose. I KNOW, im evil and i deserve to be thrown in a pit with rabid geese (quote from Mason from FB) **

**but anyway here you go :)**

**Richelle Mead is very lucky to have that inventive brain or I would own VA. . . ok just Dimitri but STILL!**

Roses POV

Darkness. All around me. The Darkness is all consuming, that's Darkness with a capital 'D', because it is a life force; a living entity, a separate being, a creature.

More than simply an absence of light.

The Darkness was so seductive, calling to me, tempting me; promises of power and wealth whispered in my ear. If I wasn't so terrified I would have told it to go to Hell. But this was Hell, and I felt too nauseous to speak.

Dark tendrils snaked out towards me, wanting to caress, but wherever Darkness touched me, my skin parted and blood seeped out.

Pain. Excruciating, terrifying, throbbing pain. As the tongues of Darkness lapped at my blood I fell to my knees with a cry; this tongue possessed none of the endorphins that Moroi bites do, so I couldn't even take guilty pleasure in this ultimate violation as the tendrils continued their feast, aggressive now, now that they have tasted me they will not stop until they have taken me. Like they have taken everything else of mine. I shed a solitary tear in remembering what has been lost to me.

More incisions were made by the scalpels of Darkness, around my waist, across my forehead, over my ribs. Darkness was obscured by red blood and pain, too much pain and I realised that it is not the blood Darkness seeks, it is my pain. It feeds on hurt, which must be why it came to me, after all I have suffered I must have seemed like an all-you-can-eat buffet!

How ironic that the thing I feel closest to in the world is the thing I can never have.

I hope he will never have to feel this.

As the arm of Darkness slid around my waist, deepening the gash already there, it tightened, slicing through my hip bone, my pelvis, I could feel the blood pouring through my ruined jeans soaking them, staining them red. But I daren't look down; I doubt I could see them anyway. Darkness conceals all it consumes.

The pain made me whimper, a sob caught in my throat, the arm tightened even more and a fresh surge of agony ripped through me, my body convulsed against the Dark tendril, causing it to slice up my spine and sternum.

A scream forced its way out of my lungs and through the haze of pain I called to him, one word, probably my last word

"DIMITRI!"

**Ooh, cliffy. I know it's only short but I wrote it for English and I thought it could be good included in here, I was gonna add a bit on but I got a bit of writers block, so you'll have to wait for the next chapter :D **

**OK I know the chapter title gives it away a bit SO DON'T BE MAD AT ME PLEASE! I value my life!**

**any hints, tips, ideas, critisisms, and preferably praise are welcome!**

**Love you all**

**lets get some more reviews people! :D**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	8. Explanations

**Hey guys. OMG I LOVE YOU ALL! My last chapter got loads of reviews and all of them good! Sorry I havent uploaded in a while but this chapter took ages to write. Its a RxD just for you guys.**

**Richelle Mead is like God, she created these vampires**

Roses POV

I sat bolt upright in bed, breathing heavily, sweat was pouring down my face; I looked down to my legs,

They were there, no blood, no lacerations, just legs

I sighed in relief and closed my eyes to run a hand through my tangled hair.

'You're awake.'

I started at the sound of the voice and opened my eyes

Staring back at me were those familiar fire and chocolate eyes I have come to love so much, they seemed so much softer than last night.

'Dimitri?' I whispered, my voice sounded horse like I hadn't used it… or like I'd used it too much.

'What are you doing here?'

He looked embarrassed (rare for him)

'After we um… talked, I was on dorm security. I was passing down the hall and I heard you, you um… screamed my name' He looked troubled, his dark eyes swirling with usually pent up emotion as he stared me.

I averted my eyes

'Oh' I said then, feeling like I had to say something else too

'I'm sorry, I had a bad dream, it was Dark everywhere and it was … it hurt.' I finished lamely, my hand involuntarily wandering to my hip, where the Darkness had crushed my pelvis, I shuddered. The pain had been so real.

Dimitri seemed to think the expression on my face was worrying because his eyes creased as he frowned,

I averted my eyes and tried to compose my face into my own 'guardian mask'

'Rose?' his voice was troubled like he wanted to say something he knew I wasn't going to like

'Hmm?' I replied, playing with my hair, not looking at him, as much as I wanted to.

'What's wrong?' I was so surprised at the question that I looked directly into his eyes, concern filled them, with a hint of regret and sadness.

His words made my slightly annoyed.

'Do you have to ask that? Do you really have no idea? I'll tell you, shall I? My best friend has some … crazy idea that I slept with her boyfriend and the rest of the male population of the school along with blood whore stuff! And half of them are backing her up! My phone number is everywhere so I keep getting, texts and calls with lewd suggestions from the boys and bitchy comments from the girls _and _'blood whore' references from both! I've been feeling like _shit _for the past few days and I don't know why,I just had the worst nightmare ever! That felt so real that it _fucking hurt _when these tentacle things practically sliced me in half!'

Dimitri flinched slightly but he didn't say anything he just stood there, gazing at me, his eyes hard again; patiently listening to my outburst. I stood too, I wanted to stop but I couldn't bring myself to, I needed to say this;

'But do you know the worst thing about everyone thinking I am a blood whore?' I whispered dangerously, prodding him in the chest

'The absolute _worst _part it that _you _believed it too.' My voice broke at the end and as I glared into his eyes, they softened and became the kind of gooey deliciousness you get if you put milk chocolate in the microwave.

'Oh Roza' he sighed and looked down briefly before his eyes met mine again. My heart gave a little lurch at the sound on my Russian name.

'I don't believe those rumours, I was just … angry and right then it sounded so plausible and … I don't know' he finished sheepishly.

All the fight in me suddenly disappeared and my legs turned to jelly, but Dimitri didn't let me fall; even if it was only onto my bed, his arms encircled my waist and he pulled me towards him closing the gap between us. My own arms wrapped around his torso and my face buried in his chest. I squeezed my eyes shut to prolong the moment, timing my erratic breathing to Dimitri's calm, regular breaths. I inhaled the sharp scent of his aftershave which seemed to float around us, wrapping us in a bubble of safety.

He was warm (even my numb hands could feel that) and solid. A brick wall, perfectly sculptured to keep me from moving.

Dimitri nuzzled into my hair murmuring something I didn't catch, I hoped it was something trivial but I have a feeling it was something otherwise so I, reluctantly, pulled away, taking a step back and gazed up at him,

'Hmm?' I said absently. He chuckled and shook his head once

'I said, why didn't you tell me you were feeling well?'

I stiffened, as soon as he said that a spike of cold wracked through my spine and across my stomach, down my legs; causing me to double over and fall back onto my mattress.

'Roza?' Dimitri took a step forward, concern laced in his expression, concern and worry. For me.

'I'm fine.' I breathed quickly. He hesitated before sitting next to me.

'No you aren't. It's early, and you aren't well enough for practice today. That leaves us with about six hours for you to tell me what's wrong.'

I groaned at the no practice comment but he continued.

I looked out of the window as he spoke, noticing that it was indeed early, the sun was only just beginning to set, the sky was aflame with orange, and there was a godlike glow dancing on Dimitri's cheek when I looked back at him.

'No Rose, I've known that you haven't been at your best lately and instead of finding out why, I assumed you were slacking so I was tougher on you'

(He was right there; I still had a large bruise on my ribs where he'd landed one of his harder blows)

'I'm sorry. I just thought that you knew you could come to me if something was wrong and I … I …' He trailed off, took a deep breath and carried on 'I guess I thought that if I asked, you would deny it and I would push you, and it would end in a huge fight. And I hate fighting with you Rose.' He gave me a half smile 'So tell me now.'

I sighed, touched by his words but I didn't acknowledge it and neither did he.

I figured I owed him an explanation after all, what after running away from him, screaming for him, keeping him awake all night (I could tell by the dark rings under his eyes) and then ranting at him.

So I drew breath, and coughed as some of the ice pierced my lungs, Dimitri looked taken aback, even a little … scared. But that was crazy, Dimitri was never scared.

'Rose even while we've been talking, you seem to have gotten worse. Please… just tell me what's wrong.'

I looked at him and saw only tenderness. I tried again

'It's just, cold.' I said as nonchalantly as I could 'Just cold all the time. Nothing gets rid of it, no matter how many jumpers I wear or laps I run, I'm just always cold.'

I shivered. Just thinking about it made me feel colder, if that was possible.

Dimitri sighed and wrapped one muscular arm around my shoulder

'I don't suppose I could get you to go to the clinic?' He asked, no hope in his voice, I was shaking my head before he'd finished his sentence.

'No. I'll wait it out. It'll be ok.'

'I don't care about _it, _I care about you.' He retorted softly. I dragged my gaze from my wardrobe and leaned back slightly to look at him and I grinned.

'Well I feel loved' I teased. He smiled gently back at me

'Oh you are' he said, before leaning forward and bringing his lips to meet mine.

**So there you go :) Isnt Dimitri cute? Let me know what you think :)**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	9. Reminders

**Hey, here's another chapter for you :D I dedicate this one to starrrrrrrrrrrr2013 because her reviews made me so happy :D Thank you starrrrrrrrrrrr2013. DON'T STOP REVIEWING :D**

**I own nothing but the plot ... Richelle Mead? PLEASE TRADE FOR DIMITRI!**

Roses POV

The days all kind of blurred together. Since the fateful night I was screaming for Dimitri in my sleep, things were pretty predictable:

~The cold got worse

~Lissa kept spreading rumours

~Dimitri was holding off the practices until I got better and was increasingly concerned

~Every time I saw Christian I wanted to punch him

~I started hating life

I went around in a daze, doing all my homework on time and to perfection, my grades improved but I didn't care anymore.

I tried to ignore everyone but it was so difficult. I had to ditch my mobile but Lissa new all my weak points and exploited them, my email address also made a circuit of the school, along with my schedule, so I often had an entourage following me around and hurling abuse between classes.

I didn't even see Dimitri that much, but he made a huge difference when I did, the followers dispersed as quickly as sheep when he strode over and in the classes he guarded no one dared to mess with Belikov's personal student. At least while he was around.

And I knew that he was really trying to keep the douches from getting too bad, he had to guard Moroi all morning though which sucked for me.

I was also getting worse at practical training classes, although I tried to fight through the ice that seemed to encase me, it was difficult, made harder by the fact that it was usually 3 on 1 just for me;  
and boy were they tough.

Dimitri had questioned me about the increase of bruising I got on my arms and face if we ever got a spare moment together, but I couldn't tell him. I knew he'd take it further or try to mentor that class which would be very unusual and that might make people suspicious.

No, I couldn't do that to him, so I'll grin and bear it, no matter what.

'So Rose, when are you next free? I hear you must be _pretty _busy what with the entire male student body to go around'

My fists clenched and I turned to glare at the owner of the voice, just who I _didn't _want to see.

Jesse Zeklos with his friend Ralf nearby

'Jeez, you think you guys would have something that's better for the rest of humanity to do, like, I don't know … Committing suicide?'

Jesses smirk faltered slightly under my gaze but he held firm

'Oh no Rose, you're the best thing to 'do' in the entire school', he retorted in mock surprise;

he walked forward advancing on me. I tensed, my patience was at breaking point; I gritted my teeth and abruptly pivoted so I was facing the opposite direction, towards my dorm room. Dimitri would be proud at my performance in self control.

'Aww come on Rose' Jesses voice was right behind me, his breath was tickling my neck, and he grabbed my ass causing the cold to intensify and me, to test my self control to the limit

I exhaled slowly, although my marks had been great recently I didn't think that that would absolve me if I broke Jesse's skull.

Flexing my fingers, I said in a voice so calm and dangerous I scared myself

'Get your hand off my ass and your ass outta my range ... before I _really_ hurt you' I held perfectly still

Jesse took a step back, perplexed but he still managed to sound cocky and sarcastic in his reply

'Wow, you really are a crazy bitch blood whore. You know I kinda like that in a girl.'

I ignored him and carried on my way

'Hath away, don't run away!' I froze. No way. He did _not _just go there, slowly I spun around, my fists balled tightly, my knuckles going white, I was going to _kill _Jesse, I was going to beat him to a bloody pulp, I was going to …

'Mr Zeklos'

A deep slightly accented voice sounded from the shadows, and Dimitri stepped into view, he was glowering at Jesse who visibly cowered

'I trust you and your friend don't need _another_ reminder of male and female interactions. This is the female wing. You should not be here. Go.' He said coldly

Jessie turned and stalked off, Ralf leading the way. But he called back over his shoulder;

'Belikov won't always be there to protect you Rose. And I won't forget about that appointment when it happens.'

My teeth bit my lip, so hard I tasted blood, but I didn't feel the pain; I stared after Jesse, until my vision blurred.

Dimitri was standing near me, obviously waiting for me to respond, to turn away and laugh with him about Jessie and his dumb ass.

But I couldn't, the cold kept me frozen, but it didn't keep me numb. Pain; raw and familiar shot through my body

'Hath away, don't run away'

Those words had been haunting my dreams ever since Spokane.

I hadn't run away, but if he had, Mason would still be alive. My head hung in shame. I was a guardian and I couldn't protect him.

'_I … I have to protect him' _I had yelled at Dimitri, as I stood over Masons body, wielding a blunt sword.

'_You did' _

Those words struck me in a place I didn't even know I had. How can I have protected him if he wasn't here; being funny and happy and cute and … Mason?

The answer was simple

I hadn't

I swayed, so caught up in the feeling of loss for Mason that I forgot how to stand, and I would have fallen If Dimitri hadn't wrapped his strong arms around my waist; holding me up, just as he always did.

'Rose?' I looked up at him gratefully, and he half pulled, half carried me to my room.

After he carefully lowered me into a chair, he shut the door.

'What did he say that was so bad? All I heard was 'Hath away, don't run away'. And yet you looked like you were going to rip his throat out and set fire to his grave.'

I gulped, ignoring the joke he made to lighten the mood, he deserved to know.

'Mason. He used to say that to me. And Jesse knew it.'

Dimitri nodded slowly, his eyes kind and sympathetic, but I could see the flame of anger in the depths of his dark irises.

'Oh' was all he said.

It was all he needed to say, he knew me well enough to guess the impact those words would have on me;  
and I knew him well enough to know that he understood.

When he lost Ivan, coming here and meeting Jesse must have served as a reminder of his dead friend.

I could tell that this hurt him too. That a relative of Ivan's, maybe the only thing of Ivan he had left, was so God damn evil.

I got an email that night, after Dimitri had gone. It was simple, and unoriginal and I deleted it. But something about it bugged me, like this was no ordinary hate mail, like it meant something.

_You will be my blood whore soon bitch. Next time you are alone, you WILL be mine._

_JZ xx_

**So, what do you think? You like? You no like? Reactions realistic? Plot believable? **

**Let me know :D**

**Love you all**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	10. Guilt

**Hey guys. Look I hope you have all figured out what JZ stands for. If you didn't then I'm sorry and I didn't mean to offend you at ALL! **

**I love all you guys for reviewing and your advice is duly noted** **vampiresrockroza. Thank you :)**

**And again thank you to starrrrrrrrrrrr2013 because you are just awesome :). If you keep reviewing then I may dedicate another chapter to you in the future**

**This one is for Eementrudyvolauventybell because I am REALLY going to miss her :'(**

**As always I wish I owned VA but i don't :'(**

**enjoy :)**

Roses POV

Now I'm not an idiot, and even an idiot could guess that JZ stands for Jesse Zeklos. What haunted me was the hidden threat that felt all too real. I remembered when his hand had been on my ass, and despite the fact he had backed off he gave a small squeeze as he let go, not unexpected but it felt possessive.

I shivered again. Damn this was getting really annoying!

But thank God for Saturday!

No lessons, No entourage,

No Dimitri.

Well I guess every silver lining has its cloud.

He told me yesterday that he was going away for the weekend, but he didn't tell me where.

'I won't be far away' he told me last night, as he gave me a hug 'I promise'

I sighed. Maybe I should just hide in my dorm room all day

But I really wanted to do something to take my mind off the latest nightmare. I had been having them frequently, always the same, yet each was unique, the injuries would change, the degree of pain, almost as if someone was controlling them.

I woke up every morning, sweating, shaking and shivering. And it sucked.

I got up, showered and changed into a long sleeved top and a tracksuit over it. I know Dimitri would kill me if he knew I was training but I needed to do something.

So trying to justify my guilt, I made my way to the dining hall to grab a bottle of water and a pear, ignoring the stares and whispers at my quick dash to the food line.

I saw Lissa, with a group of 'friends' they were glancing my way and whispering cattily about me. I knew I could fully eavesdrop if I wanted to but I didn't. I doubted it would be original.

I was tempted to go over and confront her, and demand if she really believed that I would betray her in that way, but she knew that I knew that I didn't need to ask to know that she did.

I sighed, it was a no win situation, but I knew I would get points for trying. So I let some of the old Rose come out,

After taking a deep breath I stormed over to Lissa's table with one hand on my hip, hoping I looked fierce,

Lissa's eyes widened in shock, although only the faint surprise through the bond told me that she had been half expecting this

'Do you honestly think I would sleep with Christian?' I demanded, loudly. The tables within hearing distance (pretty much all of them) turned around excitedly, they had all obviously been waiting for the big Hathaway explosion.

Lissa looked like a deer in headlights, but only for a second. I mentally breathed a sigh of relief,

That was the Lissa I knew and loved.

Unfortunately, her face contorted into a sneer and I rolled my eyes at her expression, but her next words chilled me to my bone; and more so because I could feel that she really _meant _them.

'Who knows how far you'd go _Rose_' she spat my name in disgust  
'Everyone knows you were screwing Mason and that's why he came back for you, because he _loved _you and you were messing him around. That's why he went to Spokane. You _killed _him Rose Hathaway. Some guardian you're going to be if you can't even protect another novice.'

I froze, tears sprang to my eyes but I blinked them away. She went there, and everyone had heard it.

I knew because Camille Conta gave a delighted cackle, four tables away.

Lissa knew that Mason was my greatest weakness, the source of the pain in my eyes, the cause of the guilt I carried with me every damn day.

I had just begun to forgive myself for his death, taking comfort in the fact that he made his choices too and I knew that Mason would have hated to see me beat myself up.

But now, as I rushed out the hall to the gym, a new rumour had joined the rest

_Murderer_

At least I got the satisfaction of a small pang of guilt through the bond.

Lissa was still in there; somewhere.

As I reached the gym I threw myself out to the track, ignoring my protesting muscles that were frozen together

At the moment I needed to run.

So I ran; I ran 130 laps without stop, something Dimitri would never have let me do but I was too upset to care.

Lissa was right. Masons death was my fault, he did love me and I messed him around.

The thoughts swirled in my brain and I clutched my head as I ran, trying to ease some of the pressure, but it was too intense.

Eventually I stopped running before I passed out and I made my way back to the gym, where I grabbed a practice stake and went to train on the Strigoi dummies.

Again and again I 'killed' them; imagining Elena, Isaiah, and even Natalie, just to work out all the guilt and hurt that was consuming me.

It didn't work.

The 'what-ifs' about Mason kept me fighting

What would have happened if Mason had survived?

Would I have hurt him?

Would we still be friends?

Could I have ever loved him back?

I knew I could never answer these questions and I knew that it didn't help me revisiting them over and over, but I couldn't help it.

I felt like I was going mad.

How ironic; Lissa was turning me insane without Spirit.

After about four hours of training, including weights and stretches and after a short break in which I devoured my water and pear,

I decided to have a short stint on the punch bag. I know I was being obsessive but I just …

I don't know. I guess Lissa's comment about be turning out to be a bad guardian really got to me. She knew how insecure I was about the quality of my guardianship.

I sighed and walked over to the punch bag. I didn't put my gloves on because in the real world, facing real Strigoi I wouldn't be wearing gloves.

Anyway, I didn't expect to be there that much longer.

I was actually surprised no one had come in and bitched at me yet; but I was happy about that.

As I started punching, the full weight of Lissas words hit me; probably because she was replaying them in her head over and over and over.

I hit and hit that stupid bag until my hands bled. I didn't stop, I just increased my pace, focussing on the pain to help me place the punches just right.

Then I jarred to the side and a splinter of ice lodged itself in my lung and I clutched at my chest and started coughing, really disgusting, painful coughs that brought me to my knees, retching.

My eyes were watering, partially with tears that I had refused to shed before and once I started I couldn't stop.

I just stayed there, knees trembling on all fours coughing up a lung and retching.

I could barely breathe; blood from my hands was everywhere … damn that was gonna be a bitch to get rid of … oops.

I heard the door open and a shocked gasp,

Oh shit.

I didn't want to be seen like this but I couldn't stop

'Rose?'

**So ... who should that voice belong to? I have a few options so it's up to you.**

**Did you like it? Or didn't you? **

**As usual, keep me posted :D**

**Love you **

**Love Tibbins xx**


	11. Confrontations

**Hey guys. Listen I am SO SORRY that I haven't updated in aged. My laptop spazzed up and divorced the internet so I had to patch up their marriage and even then they were still mad at me for days. **

**Anyway, here is the next chapter**

**I own only the plot which I think is getting good now but that's just me hehe the rest belongs to Richelle Mead**

**This chapter is dedicated to my Jjoey because I am gonna miss her big time!**

Roses POV

I could feel who it was before I looked up

'Lissa? What are you doing here?' I choked between coughs

Lissa looked awkward, like she didn't want to be here but she thought it was the right thing and she didn't know what to do or say now that she _was_ here.

'Um… I guess I …' she began, casting anxious glances to the door as if scared someone would walk in, or like she was checking her escape route, which she was.

'Rose, are you ok?'

I stared at her and I swear that if I could have drawn breath I would have cracked up laughing where I stood, or … crouched.

Instead I just nodded

'Would you like me to heal you?' She said it tentatively as if she expected me to decline, or bite her head off, which I was in _no _position to do.

I shook my head and held back my next cough as best I could, I straightened up and looked Lissa in the eye,

'Why would you heal a _murderer_? I spat at her ignoring the spike of fear that wasn't my own  
'You weren't even in Spokane, you have no idea what happened or that I yelled at Mason to go and leave me! I told him to get out of there, but he didn't listen.  
You're right; I'm a terrible guardian, but at least I tried to do the best I could for my friends.'

Lissa was dumbfounded, by my rant and my appearance. She had just assumed that we had both squared off to the Strigoi together because I had never told her the full story; it wasn't a subject I enjoyed.

'I … I'm sorry' she said as she hung her head, creating a blonde curtain between us,

But I could hear her thoughts reeling, she was still angry over the Christian incident but the sympathy over my clinically dead state and depressing story made her momentarily forget her anger.

Either that or I was taking it from her, because boy was I pissed.

How dare she! Just this morning she was accusing me of killing Mason and now she was apologising and wanting to heal me!

'Are you? Well forgive me if I don't fling myself at your feet in gratitude, but it doesn't change anything Lissa.'

'I guess I just thought … that since you seemed to get over him quite quickly that …'

'That what? That I sent him to his death on purpose?' Lissa's guilt told me the answer to that.

'Let me tell you why I 'got over him quickly' '

She glanced up, curious but still slightly scared

'It was because of you. I promised myself that I would survive, because you needed me. I promised you that I would look out for you and be the best guardian I could be. All for you. It's always for you Lissa. _They come first._'

I growled the last sentence through gritted teeth and Lissa's eyes welled up with tears.

'Rose' she said 'I had no idea'

'Of course you didn't' I cried 'I never told you, because I knew you'd feel guilty and I never wanted that. But now, you accuse me of sleeping with Christian! Trust me I have come close' she gasped and anger curled in the pit of her stomach 'But only in your head Lissa! I found it disgusting and all I could think was '_get out, get out, get out!' _But you spread rumours about me, you make my life hell! And I didn't do anything wrong!'

It was difficult trying to keep the pain off my face, my lung felt like it was being ripped to shreds by the ice but I would not give in.

For once, since this whole thing started, doubt showed plainly across her features. Lissa then bowed her head and left, forgetting about the healing, doubt and resentment burned in equal measure through the bond.

Spent, I collapsed back onto the mat; nursing my bleeding knuckled and then I let my cough out before I choked on it,

If it was possible. I felt worse than when Lissa had come in.

I sighed, and retched again. I almost wished I had let Lissa heal me. And I knew that some of the Darkness had leaked in through the bond. But I could tell that Lissa wasn't going to make up just yet.

I ran a bleeding hand through my hair not caring that the blood was getting tangled in my ponytail.

My life sucks.

I still hadn't had a decent nights sleep and I think it was beginning to take it's toll on me. But … I guess I was scared of the nightmare that plagued my dreams. You'd think it'd get boring after a while but no. There was enough variety in the dreams so it never lost its scare. I shivered just thinking about how my neck had been crushed last night and I swear I couldn't breathe when I woke up.

I looked out the window. It was deep night now, the stars twinkled innocently overhead and at that moment, I envied those stars. I gazed up at them jealously.

For all Vampires lived in the night I never really appreciate the beauty of the waxy moon and the way its rays turn everything to silver and the stars that made it all shine magically and shimmer like it was all an illusion and would disappear any second.

As I watched, a figure stepped out of the shadows, from behind a cluster of trees at the edge of the track. It was obviously male and as he was too tall for a Dhampir so I went for Moroi. They were heading purposefully in my direction.

Great.

As he got closer and moved into the light I saw his face; I rolled my eyes in exasperation. I could _not _be bothered with him right now. Nevertheless I got up, and refused to seem weak. Even though I knew I could take him in a fight. Not that it ever came down to it

As he entered the gym I stared him straight in the eye and wondered if I should initiate the conversation when he spoke

'Hello little Dhampir'

**So there you are. I know loads of you voted for Dimitri and that was my original plan but so many voted Lissa that I couldnt ignore it and I decided to push myself**

**Did it work? I'm not sure :S**

**Was it good? Did you like it?**

**Any thoughts/ideas at all?**

**Sorry it's quite short**

**Keep reviewing people :D**

**Love you all**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	12. Compulsion

**Hey everyone :) I know I haven't updated for a few days, but i had a bit of writers block :O**

**This is my longest chapter ever though ... I think :) **

**I'm dedicating this one to my Munchkin, as part of her birthday present (not that she'll ever read it *grumbles*)**

**So anyway, please don't sue =3 Richelle Mead is the main genius here :D**

Roses POV

'Hey Adrian' I said, eyeing him warily I hadn't seen him in a couple of days and he hadn't been particularly friendly, I guess the rumours must have gotten to him too. But the way he was looking at me freaked me out, I guess he was probably squinting at my aura but I would have been amazed if he could see it; he stank of clover and whisky, which tested my gag reflex again.

As I tried not to retch, Adrian stopped in front of me. My shoulders tensed, the look in his eye told me that he too had taken the rumours as true,

As I looked into his eyes, hatred stared back at me but I refused to turn away

'What are you doing here?'

My voice was happy, upbeat and obviously faked

Adrian cocked an eyebrow. Damn him.

'I just had a hunch you would be here little Dhampir. We haven't had a chance to talk in a while'

His tone was friendly, which made me wonder how long it would last

'Yeah, I guess.' I tossed my hair back as I spoke 'What did you want to say?'

I expected a few 'blood whore' comments to come out here but I was surprised, in a horrible way

'Sleep well?' He said. His voice was still light, but there was a dark edge to it that I didn't like, _at all._

I froze; and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

The dreams! Adrian could Dream walk right? And his dreams usually felt so real that when he gave me a hug I could feel him. He could change things, the scenery, what I was wearing, what I saw, what happened.

He could manipulate the dream into a nightmare. Shroud everything in Darkness, make himself insubstantial.

'No' I whispered. I was shocked that Adrian, who never seemed to get involved in anything, would do this.

Adrian nodded, smug. The moonlight glinted off his dark hair in a way that I would normally see as attractive, but this was not normal, and now he looked dangerous. I stumbled back a step staring at him in horror. Although I knew that I could easily overpower him, Adrian had mental capacity that I didn't.

Sure I could pin him to the floor, but he could make me want to let him go, want to keep punching the bag until my knuckles wore down to bloody stumps, want to kill myself.

If I looked in his eyes.

'Oh yes' He said, a familiar smirk turning his lips upward

'But… But why?' I asked. Just because I knew it was him who made the dreams it doesn't explain why he would want to

He shrugged nonchalantly, but there was a furious glint in his eye

'You acted so prim and proper' he began, I nearly laughed but he shot me a glance 'you flirted back though, but you would never take it further. But that was ok, I thought you were just playing hard to get, but now' I winced as he raised his voice 'now I find out that you've been shagging everyone else! Moroi and Dhampirs alike! Everyone, but me, Even though I was the one who had feelings for you!'

Inside I was cowering at the spite in his words, but I stood tall and defended myself

'It's hardly my fault that you believed those lies is it Adrian?'

Adrian didn't falter, I think he was too angry to care that he might have been mistaken; instead he reached out and hit me across the face.

My head barely jerked, and the action didn't hurt as much as the intent had. I think he noticed this and spoke his voice hoarse and … evil

'Tough little slut aren't you? No matter, that's not the only way I can make you hurt'

Shit.

I wanted to run, I wanted so badly to run but the Ice had frozen my legs, and I collapsed onto the floor as I tried to take a step towards the door.

Adrian didn't seem perturbed by my sudden fall; he grabbed my chin and forced me to look into his eyes,

I tried to shut them but I wasn't quick enough.

'You won't fight me will you?' He said in a calm voice.

I shook my head, No I didn't want to fight Adrian.

'But you hurt don't you?' As soon as he spoke a flash of pain shot through my stomach and I gasped.

'The Darkness is real you know, It's all real. And it's happening right … Now!'

His words barely made it to my ears, he was fading out; everything was surrounded in Darkness and as it reached out to touch me, it sliced right through my shoulder, I whimpered in pain as my blood squirted everywhere and my left arm dangled uselessly by my side, The shadow tendril wrapped around my stomach, making a light gash and blood seeped out, soaking my tracksuit bottoms,

Darkness continued to lap at me, creating new lacerations and new pain,

But it was bearable until one slimy tentacle snaked its way up my back, to the back of my neck, there it gently felt around, prodding and poking, until it hit a nerve, 'the pain nerve' as I called it, I flinched and it seemed to gloat. It stretched its finger so it entered my neck and wrapped tightly around that nerve, squeezing it, and other certain points were found, my funny bone, my coccyx, they were both violated.

I couldn't hold back. My scream echoed through the Darkness, reverberating of it's very being, I writhed around on the floor trying to loosen the cords and shake them off. This only resulted in more pain, more blood curdling screams. And more sadistic laughter from a far off voice I couldn't remember; much less care about.

And so it continued

I lost all concept of time as I screamed in absolute excruciating agony. I screamed until a tendril sliced through my vocal cords and then I could only gurgle and sob.

It hurt so much. Why wasn't it stopping?

Then, all of a sudden, the tendrils receded, The Darkness recoiled and the pain lessened.

But it didn't stop. The knot at my neck refused to come loose and as I found I could scream again, I did. Louder and more filled with pain than ever.

The Darkness was flickering, giving way to a more solid form, a form of light.

The gym came back into view and the Darkness shrivelled and disappeared.

'Roza? Roza, what happened? ROSE!' Yelling shocked my screams into silence. But the sobs continued.

The world was blurry but I could see an Oh so familiar face looking down at mine.

'Dimitri?' I whispered, my voice cracking as the gym, and Dimitri, swam back into focus.

'Oh Roza.' He sighed, his beautiful chocolate eyes filled with concern, 'what on Earth happened? I was coming to the gym and I heard you screaming like you were …' He shook his head and pain glazed his expression 'And when I got here you were just, screaming and covered in blood. I was so … scared.'

I looked at him for a moment before his words sunk in.

'Blood?' I shot up, almost head butting Dimitri as I did so,

Shit.

It was real? No it couldn't have been; it was just Adrian …

Adrian.

I checked my body, left arm, check, coccyx, check, stomach …

There was a gash there, a perfect ring, all the way around my waist; and it was leaking blood. I stared at it in horror. Dimitri was by my side instantly,

'What? Who did this to you?' He demanded, his hands fluttering helplessly over my stomach, I shook my head, and continued my inspection noticing that the sun was coming up, the clouds were tinged pink and only the occasional stars peeped through.

How long had I been like this?

My eyes widened as I took in the broken window and with a grimace, I realised that my neck still hurt, a lot.

Something was digging into it; right into the nerve.

'Hey, Comrade?' I said; his eyes met mine instantly 'Um… Could you take a look at my neck please?'

He nodded wordlessly and I gathered my hair forward, out of his way, a shocked intake of breath told me what I needed to know.

'What?' I said

'There seems to be a piece of glass lodged in it, Rose.'

I closed my eyes and exhaled

'Get it out.'

'What?' his voice was panicked now, something I hadn't heard since Natalie had nearly killed me.

'I said, get it out. Please' I repeated

'But … I'm not a doctor! I don't have anything to get it out with for a start! And I …'

I cut him off,

'Look' I said, in as calm a voice as I could. It's right in my nerve, I can feel it. And let me tell you it fucking _hurts _Ok? So I need it out. ASAP'

I could feel his hesitation 'Dimitri!'

'No, Rose I can't. I don't know how and … I might hurt you more.' He took a deep breath 'I'm taking you to the clinic.' There was an edge in his voice that held no argument, so I just grumbled slightly as he positioned his arms under me, taking extra care to support my head but avoid my neck. Nevertheless I winced as he lifted me up. It seemed like a few lacerations on my legs and chest had also stayed, and like a few more pieces of glass stuck inside a couple of them. I guess Adrian had made me break the window (my fists were in tatters) and then either I had caused the injuries or he had.

So as a distraction I gazed at Dimitri as we moved; his perfect lips were set in a grim line and his eyes burned with anger and compassion, I reached up and tugged at his shirt pathetically and he looked down and gave me a small smile, I'm sure he was having the same sense of déjà vu as I was. I smiled back at him, doing my best to ignore the pain that wracked my body with each step, but I think he saw through me because his eyes turned hard and he looked forwards again.

I could feel the blood dripping from my neck and waist on the floor and I hoped that I wouldn't get into trouble for 'befouling the school' or 'destroying school property'.

I was tired, so tired. And Dimitri could sense it. He turned to look at me again, worry clouding his eyes, but he seemed to asses me as non fatal.

So he hugged me closer to his chest and leaned down to brush his lips near my ear

'Sleep, My Roza'.

**So ... what do you guys think? **

**Let me tell you I had NO IDEA it was going to end up like this ... and now I don't know where to go from here.**

**So Ideas would be appreciated :D**

**And as usual any reviews and comments, critisism, or otherwise are welcome :)**

**Hope you liked it**

**Love you all**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	13. Masks

**Hey everyone :) thank you all for your reviews and ideas**

**This chapter is a bit of RxD time. I thought you would like it :)**

**As always I don't own Vampire Academy**

**This one is Dedicated to EePee94 (I think thats right XD) 'cause she is the only one of my friends who has actually read this**

Roses POV

I was just waking up, but I hadn't opened my eyes yet. I had that moment of disorientation when I was wondering where the hell I was. But then it all flooded back to me and I couldn't stop a whimper at what Adrian had done.

As I did so, I heard a small sound, like an involuntary footstep forwards; so I slowly opened my eyes, blinking rapidly several times before everything focused.

As expected, I was in the clinic, the usual, boring and sterile white tiled ceiling stared back at me,

Seriously, they needed to get some posters up there or something or long term patients (and regular ones like me) would be driven insane.

I sat up slowly and looked around.

Dimitri was standing at the far wall. He smiled in relief when he saw I was awake and he quickly strode over to the chair next to my bed; his expression hardening and becoming stern as he did so. I gulped.

'What happened Rose?'

I sighed. I was still sore, so instead of answering him I asked a question of my own

'I thought you were on vacation.' He saw through my thinly veiled attempt at distraction but answered my query nonetheless

'I told you I wouldn't be going far; I was staying in the cabin.' He explained; a slight smile on his face.

I nodded distractedly and reached a hand round to the back of my neck, and jolted as the Ice pierced the nerve.

'Rose?' Dimitri must have seen my slight grimace 'Um… we got the glass out but it was difficult … and we found something else.' He shifted slightly. Revealing a Dr Olenzski who had just come out of her office.

'Hey, when can I get out of here?' I said, curious as I was I wanted Dimitri to be the one to tell me, and I wanted out of here too. She rolled her eyes and replied in her usual jovial way

'ASAP Rose.' and she left the clinic, seeming pleased I was back to my normal self so soon.

I sat up straighter, moving my arm back to my side and finding that I was in one of those gross backless hospital gowns but I bit back that comment and fixed Dimitri with a look.

He hesitated before reaching out to my bedside table and picking up a glass phial

With a sliver of Ice in it.

I gasped, and my eyes widened in shock, and even a little fear. I bit my lip and looked away

Dimitri looked troubled,

'It hasn't melted' he pointed out. 'And that wasn't all of it.' He paused, as if ... afraid to carry on

'It's everywhere Rose, absolutely everywhere, wrapped around nerves and bone and muscle…' he trailed off. His eyes were glazed with worry

'And it's killing me.' I finished for him in a whisper. Pain shot through his features and he turned away; that was confirmation enough.

I looked down, fear curling in the pit of my stomach. 'What's causing it?' I kept my tone neutral, to mask the swirl of emotion raging inside me.

When Dimitri looked at me, for once he didn't mask his emotions, pain, anger, concern, guilt, all flooded in his chocolate eyes. I was shocked to see the latter

'We don't know'

I nodded, noticing for the first time that it was daylight; and Dimitri obviously hadn't slept, there were slight circles under his eyes that were the only outside sign of fatigue.

'What time is it?' Dimitri glanced at his watch

'Nearly noon' He leaned forward suddenly and clasped my hand in his and he bent his head as he spoke, the sun glinting off his shoulder length hair as it fell to cover his face

'You can't imaging how I feel right now Rose.' He began 'I'm so…' he searched for the right word 'ashamed of myself.'

I gazed at him uncertainly 'Why?'

He glanced up and I flinched at the agony etched into his beautiful face

'Because I didn't insist that you tell me what was wrong! Because somehow… I could have prevented this! But most of all, because you have been suffering alone, and I didn't do anything!'

He moved a hand to tangle in his hair; his expression tortured

'Hey' I said soothingly as I reached out from under his remaining hand to cup his face 'there is _nothing_ you could have done. And besides, I wasn't alone; you were there when I had the nightmares, always.'

My voice trembled at the mention of nightmares but Dimitri let it go.

We lapsed into silence then; his eyes shut and he leaned his head into my palm as my thumb stroked his cheek. He seemed, for that moment, like a child, seeking comfort. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, inhaling the sharp scent of his aftershave and the Earthy smell that was simply and uniquely _him_.

That blissful respite over far too soon; he moved his head away and I opened my eyes at the loss of his rough skin. He too had regret in his eye,

He also had a resolve about him. As though he would go to any lengths to get the information he wanted.

'You didn't answer my first question Rose.' There was a hard glint in his eye as he transferred himself to the edge of my bed and he grabbed my shoulders tightly 'What happened?'

I sighed, and passed the hand that had caressed Dimitri's cheek through my hair.

'I … I was upset, I guess. I went to the gym to train and on the way I passed the canteen and Lissa was there …'

I told him everything, even about the Adrian using compulsion thing, although I was more hesitant to tell that part of the story. Anger flared in his eyes and his fists clenched on the bed, his lips tightened as I finished up; and he stood immediately.

'How dare he' He growled, his voice was low and _very _dangerous, even I recoiled a little at his tone.  
Then he burst out in Russian, and I was impressed at the amount of profanity I recognised from our training sessions.

'I have to do something about this' He stated in English, and he turned on his heel.

Realising that he really meant that he was going to go and beat Adrian to a pulp, I flung back the covers and jumped out of the bed, ignoring the cold and temporary dizzy spell as I stumbled over and grabbed Dimitri's arm.

Ok. I know it was pathetic but I was panicking, and even though Adrian was not on my BFF list I hardly wanted Dimitri committing GBH on him. (Wow, how much IM could I use in one sentence?)

Dimitri paused the second my fingers clutched at his duster coat, and then he slowly tilted his head down to look at me. Anger was still the prominent emotion.

'Don't … Don't leave me here.' I whispered, then, realising how sad that sounded I put a bit of Rose Hathaway attitude into my next words 'I mean, not even Adrian deserves the wrath of a pissed off Russian God. And besides, you'll get in more trouble than he would. It's not worth it Comrade.'

His eyes softened and he nodded slowly, a small smile tugged at his lips.

'Will you walk me back to my room Comrade?' I said, affecting a teasing, posh accent.

He chuckled. 'I know not many people are around this time of night, however I'm sure you'd feel better if you changed into something that covered your … back'

I blushed and looked down at myself. Shit, I'd forgotten about that, then I grinned up at him; refusing to show my embarassment

'I thought you liked looking' I retorted cheekily, winking up at him as I did so.

'Oh I do' he muttered as I pulled the curtain across for me to get changed behind into the clothes that Dimitri had brought for me.

I then collapsed back onto the bed, letting the cold overtake me for a split second, squeezing my eyes shut I shivered, and wrapped my arms around myself.  
After a few deep breaths I got changed; all the time feeling like I was dying. This made me give a quiet choked laugh

Because it's quite ironic really.

Since I am dying.

**Ooooooooooooooh, aww isn't Dimitri adorable when he's angry? ^^ **

**I tell you now I have NO idea where this is going 0.o, trust me ... but I do have a few emergency plotlines which may make an appearance :) **

**Anyway, what do you think? I guess I'm being a bit mean to Rose but hey, it makes you all happy you evil people XD**

**I love you all really :D REVIEW! I need feedback on this thing, please? :D**

**Love you all**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	14. Contemplation

**Hey. This is basically a bit more intense RxD, not rating changing or anything, just emotional**

**It's 3 o clock in the morning so if you don't like the chapter then that's why**

**This is dedicated to two people Emma 'EePee' Paige because I get her name wrong in the last chapter, and LovingVA because I promis****ed her I would**

**I also give the usual disclaimers, Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy and all of it's awesome (and sexy Russian) characters**

**Enjoy :)**

Roses POV

Dimitri walked me to my room like a proper Russian gentleman. We spoke very little and I knew we were thinking similar things.

I was worried about how this would affect my training and if Lissa would be able to feel it if I …

Dimitri was thinking about disembowelling Adrian with a spoon and using his empty body as a sports bag … Or something along those lines.

The sun was setting as we walked across campus, making the blue sky blaze bright orange and the clouds a delicate petal pink.

I sighed and coughed; Dimitri looked down at me worriedly and I smiled up at him.

He wrapped his strong arm around my waist protectively and I leaned into his chest, breathing in his calming smell.

I was barely aware of him nudging on the small of my back to get me to alter my direction slightly, nor where we were now heading

The cabin.

Ever since Tasha had stayed there it had become a place that Dimitri and I frequented; usually separately but we sometimes ran into each other. I guess it was a bit like our Chapel attic. Just a place we go when we need time to ourselves.

Sure our rooms do that too but seeing as now the entire school knows where my room is and often make uninvited visits, it's nice to go somewhere where no one can find you.

Especially with a totally hot Russian mentor.

As Dimitri gently pushed me over the threshold I saw the dints in the bedcovers where he had been sitting yesterday and on the bedside table I noticed a battered Western novel.

I smirked slightly and walked over to the couch. Dimitri followed suit and we both collapsed.

Dimitri put his arm around me and I snuggled into him; I felt him kiss the top of my head and I smiled

Half an hour later found my head in Dimitri's lap and him absentmindedly stroking my hair. We still hadn't spoken but I knew there wasn't much to say. The silence was comfortable and familiar and I knew Dimitri was trying not to force an uncomfortable issue; which wasn't like him. Hell he was notorious for that kind of thing, but now I knew he just wanted to pretend, as I did, that it was all a dream and it was just a normal day where we could just be together; in secret of course.

I would have been happy to lie there forever but Dimitri had other ideas and broke the silence first.

'So…' he said. I swear I could hear the dot dot dot at the end of that word.

'So what Dimitri?' I snapped; sitting up on the couch I glared at him, irritated that he ended my fantasy. 'What is there to say? That I'm dying?' he flinched 'Newsflash I _know!_'

Dimitri looked down. And he looked so … cute that I couldn't stay mad at him

'Look.' I said gently; he raised his head to look at me and I tried hot to melt under his gaze 'I'm here now, and so are you. Lissa will probably come around soon' Ok so that might be a lie 'and I'm pretty sure that things will go back to normal soon' right so that was _definitely _a lie; but hey, Gods need comfort too.

He smiled sadly but didn't contradict me.

'Roza, I promise you that I will do everything I can to help you. And I promise that I won't leave you to …' the sincerity in both his voice and his face was so intense that I couldn't even think of a witty comeback. I just leaned in and wrapped my arms around his neck as I brought my lips to his for a second before I leaned back and grinned at him

'I can think of worse ways to go' I said, before I kissed him again, longer this time, and our tongues danced together. I closed my eyes; this was better even than Lissas endorphins, nothing could compare to the Love I feel for this man, my heart was thumping in my chest, it felt like it would burst, but in a good way.

'Roza' he breathed against my lips

That's when I felt it

Warmth shot down my spine, splintering the Ice accumulating there.

It was such an odd sensation that I gasped and drew back, my hand going almost automatically to the back of my neck.

'Rose?' My eyes shot up to meet his.

'I… I can feel' I whispered, I let out a breathy laugh 'I felt warm.'

He stared back at me, eyes confused, hopeful and sad.

As soon as his expression changed from complete and utter devotion, the Ice rebuilt, stronger than ever; my smile faded and my hand dropped to my lap.

'I… I thought…'

'I know' he said 'I know' He drew me to him again, not to kiss, but to comfort. I leaned my head back against him.

'I promise I'll protect you Roza.' He murmured.

I didn't doubt his intentions but I did doubt his words

'Even you can't save me from myself Comrade'

We both sighed simultaneously and lapsed into silence again, both lost in our own thoughts.

'About Adrian…' he began, Jeez what is with him and his silence phobia lately?

'Don't' I said 'Just don't'

'Look, Rose, I can't just let him get away with this! He hurt you.'

I gave him a look that said _who's sharing the family brain cell right now?_ And he smiled wryly before dropping his eyes.

'You didn't see you Rose… it was terrifying' he mumbled

Anger flared up; probably Spirit induced

'No' I said hotly 'I just saw and _felt_ my worst nightmare coming true! You had it so much worse!'

He had the grace to look ashamed and I shook my head at him. I took a deep breath and apologized to him.

'Lessons will be starting soon' I remarked as I stared out of the tiny window. The stars blinked in the navy sky, there was no moon tonight, making everything seem less magical than the night before. Just another day at St Vladimir's.

Dimitri shifted beside me, unintentionally jolting the Ice and making me wince.

'What's wrong Rose?' God he knows me so well. His cheek rubbed against mine as he rested his head on my shoulder and reached around to twine his hand in mine. We fit so well together that I felt so absolute oneness that I didn't reply for a moment. A flash of heat down into my lungs allowed me to breathe easier for a moment, as I looked out at the sky my mouth opened and the words tumbled out of their own accord

'I'm thinking that if I die tomorrow, my only regrets will be that Lissa, Christian and Adrian will think … well you know. I will never be able to tell you that I love you enough, and that Mason died. Oh and I guess that I never really got to know my Mom. But yeah, that's it.'

Dimitri's arms tightened around me.

'Well that's not many'

'No' I agreed, 'I guess I always did live for the moment.' I joked,

Dimitri didn't smile

'Do' he corrected

'Huh?'

'Do, not did. You're still alive Roza. And you still have time to figure this out and fix this' His face was hidden from me but I could sense his determination

'But what if we can't?' I breathed

'We will'

He sounded so sure, so certain that he could help me to fix this, but I still wasn't convinced

'But what if we can't?' I repeated

He sighed, and just that breath sounded so desolate, so full of sorrow and suffering that I didn't like to say what I said next, but I guess I owed it to him.

I steeled myself, turned around to face him, took a deep breath and spoke; the two words reverberated off the walls of the cabin, echoing back to my ears, making me inwardly cringe at the admission.

But he understood. Of course he did. He understood _me._

'I'm scared.'

**So, there you go ... I guess hours of listening to quite depressing songs took it's toll. **

**Like it? Hate it? Carrot cake?**

**By the way I was thinking of rewriting this in DPOV as a seperate story**

**what do you think?**

**let me know :) all ideas and comments appreciated**

**Special Thanks go to those who messaged me with ideas, LovingVA and MaggieChauvin, THANK YOU! :D**

**Love you all**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	15. Threats

**Hey everyone. I know i haven't written in a while. I'm SORRY.**

**I've been in London for the past few days and i've been really busy.**

**Thank you everyone for all your reviews.**

**I don't own the characters, more's the pity.**

**I'm dedicating this chapter to my 100th reviewer, iloveChristianozera. Thank you :D**

Roses POV

There, I said it. Even Dimitri seemed taken aback, before he pulled me close and whispered soothing Russian words into my hair.

After a few more minutes of comfort, I pulled away and grinned at him

'Come on Comrade.' I laughed 'I have Stan to annoy'

Dimitri chuckled and followed me to class.

We had to separate however, until lunch when Moroi and Dhampirs mixed classes,

For the practical stuff, I was alone; or as alone as I could be with three lads and a girl bearing down on me.

I held them off as best I could, but I got my fair share of blows. Meredith managed to land one right on the back of my neck, which made me hiss in pain and stumble forward slightly; I barely managed to keep my balance. A right hook sent Meredith onto her back and I quickly 'staked' her as the other three sent simultaneous kicks towards my ribs, I jumped aside and only one hit, the other two collided and I grabbed both their ankles and with a monumental effort I managed to flip them both over onto their fronts, I then had to kick backwards, somewhat blindly to hit the other guy, Andrew, I recalled, then spin around and punch him hard in the nose, enough so that he stumbled back; I managed to 'stake' the two that were still on the floor before Andrew came after me again,

I was absolutely worn out by now, and I turned around too slowly to prevent another kind of karat chop to my neck and a kick to my coccyx, both of which caused me to cry out, and fall forwards onto the mat, Andrew then pulled me up by my ponytail and slammed me into the wall,

'I'm next on your list Hathaway' he hissed too quietly for the guardian on duty to hear before he forced my head back so, again it hit cold bricks.

A metallic taste formed at the back of my throat and, actually frightened for my life, I brought my knee up and rammed it as hard as I could into his crotch.

Andrew groaned and let go; I then snaked my arm under his chest and hit the spot over his heart with my pretend stake.

My legs then buckled under me and I collapsed heavily onto the mat. The guardians whistle blew.

'Hathaway!' I looked up to see Guardian Matinova looming over me 'You know perfectly well that you just broke about three rules of fair fighting! If you can't obey rules, you will never be a worthy guardian!'

A few of my classmates, including Andrew and Meredith, snickered; I was outraged, but temped as I was to say 'Well, funny you mention that, I don't see you yelling at Andrew for slamming my head against the wall!' I thought that it wouldn't be worth it. So I remained quiet and returned Matinova's look of disdain. As he walked off I got up and went over to the water fountain, where I spat the blood out of my mouth. I took a drink, and then I went to get changed.

The usual whispers had intensified, despite Dimitri's glares, due to my being in the clinic. But Lissa seemed less willing to join in with the bitching.

I ignored them better than normal; I kept thinking about that flash of warmth I had felt in the cabin. My fingertips often brushed subconsciously against the nape of my neck, causing me to shiver as the Ice shifted.

Stan was his usual, charmingly annoying self and a few of my sarcastic remarks managed to deter him enough not to go on about 'something being wrong with Hathaway'

No one else laughed at my comments, but there were enough snorts and smiles to know that my humour wasn't a lost cause.

Some of the geeky girls exchanged exasperated glances and sighs though.

I just grinned; rolling my eyes at the inevitable predictability of pregnancy gossip and all that ridiculous crap.

Eventually the day ended and I made my way to my dorm. Still thinking about that brief flare of heat and wondering how it came about.

Later on I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering if Adrian was going to make a new nightmare for me tonight. I was hoping that his confrontation would make him think that I'd been punished enough, but I doubted it.

I pressed a hand to my forehead, terrified to sleep, but unable to stay awake…

I was in a room, with deep red walls and carpet, there was a mirror in the corner and… and a doorway

A doorway full of Darkness.

I recoiled and got as far away as I could in that confined space, but suddenly the wall was moving, pushing me towards the doorway, and the doorway was getting wider and wider and then I was falling through, ever falling; the Darkness ripped at me as I passed; someone was calling my name and I was reaching up to them, to try to touch them because I knew that if I did it would all go away I was so close …

Thump.

I landed on a floor of Darkness, slimy tendrils wrapped around me, pulling me, tugging me, forcing me under. I was being consumed my all that was evil in the world and I couldn't fight it.

Not anymore.

But _why_?

I awoke, once again drenched in sweat, mouth open in a silent scream. Knowing why. Because I was dead.

Obviously Adrian thought not.

As the sweat started to dry it froze, making me colder. At least until someone wrapped their strong arms around me, causing the familiarly alien heat to course through my body.

'Dimitri' I breathed

He didn't speak, he didn't need to. Our connection was such that we don't need words to be comfortable.

I leaned against his chest. He was lending me his strength, just like always.

And just like always, I needed it.

After a while Dimitri noticed and questioned me on my bruises and scratches from the fight. I was blasé and nonchalant, like they were nothing, but they hurt; and not so much in the physical way, it was enough that they didn't speak to me because they think I'm a slut, but trying to kill me?

At the time I had shaken off Andrew's threat like any other, but now it haunted me as much as Jesse's had.

Dimitri just held me, letting me think, but he seemed to be upset about something too.

'What's wrong?' I said, breaking the comforting silence. He jumped slightly and tightened his arms

'I'm fine Roza' he said with a slight smile 'I think we need to worry about you at the moment'

I shook my head knowing that he wouldn't budge.

Pretty soon he was called away for his shift. He gave me a light kiss on the lips before he left and I savoured every second of it.

I went to sit on the windowsill and I stared out at the dusk. It was light, but not quite light enough to be night in the vampire world. Apparently, my nightmare didnt take that long

I took a shower and inspected the extent of my bruising.

It looked bad, but I could easily cover it up. I dressed in a navy sports bra and sweatpants, with a few jumpers to keep the Ice at bay and I went back to the window ledge.

Looking out across the courtyard I gently touched the bond. Lissa was asleep, and her thoughts were in turmoil. She still wasn't sure if I was sincere, but it was no longer the burning hatred it had been.

Feeling slightly more cheerful I returned to my own mind. The cobbles of the courtyard glistened with early morning dew and the air seemed still. And I felt a sudden longing.

Why not? I thought.

**So there you have it :) reviews and messages and ideas are welcome and apreciated :D **

**Opinions please :D**

**I love you all**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	16. Shock

**Hey everyone :D The reason I havent updated is because I've been on holiday and I only got back today so this was my 1st priority  
Be honoured XD**

**This chapter gets a bit dark, there aren't any details but a few dark things are implied**

**So this chapter may be rated M, don't say i didn't warn you, and this is NOT to offend anyone in any way and it doesn't belong to me anyway :D  
**

**This is the longest chapter and deepest, ive done and i'm not sure about it.** **So let me know :)**

**Oh yer, this one is a joint dedication, part to Jshagan because i'm not sure whether your review was a compliment or not and I'm hoping the dedication will make it so**

**And the other part goes to ... MiSsY-MeL-183 because she practically begged me to update in her review. **

**Thanks guys, and enjoy :)**

Roses POV

The air was crisp and cool, but then again, I was used to cold. Nonetheless I shivered as I walked across the yard, It was still early by human standards, about 11ish, but too late for a novice, I just had to edge cautiously past the front desk; getting out was the easy bit. When it comes to defending the school against an army of the undead everyone moves like lightning got shoved up their ass's, but stopping one badass novice from escaping her dorm at night, nah, security sucked.

I chuckled softly about it as I made my way to the stone bench under a huge Oak tree that I saw from my window.

I plopped myself down and put my head in my hands, breathing deeply; I allowed myself to let down my barriers.

I bit my lip and my hands started to shake, because despite my nonchalant bravado I still hadn't forgotten one key thing.

I'm dying.

I don't want to die. I've had so many NDE's but I never actually thought about death itself. And if I was being honest, I was scared shitless. Of course I would deny it if someone asked me.

And Lissa; What about her? Anna went crazy in the literal sense when Vladimir died, what would happen to her? Would she go insane like her?

Would she care?

That's the question that haunted me. Would any of them actually care if I died? All of my 'potential' to be 'the best guardian out there' buried with me.

With a sudden wild thought I whipped out my notebook and a pen that I always carry with me if I want to draw or doodle or write notes.

_My Headstone_

_Here lies Rose 'Badass' Hathaway_

_She will tell Satan you say 'hi' and hopes you will be joining her soon_

_[DATE]_

I grinned. There, I'm nothing if not unique.

As I sat there praising my genius; a twig snapped behind me; right behind me. And before I could even tense, two arms wrapped around me and pressed a stinking rag over my mouth and nose, I was being dragged backwards by my throat and when I started to kick and struggle someone else grabbed my legs.

My vision was going fuzzy and my head started to ache because the rag was cutting off the majority of my breathing but I saw three people, Ralf, Andrew and another guy novice I didn't know.

I tried to scream but the person behind me, _Jesse _I thought with certainty forced my head forwards, making me choke. Then he smartly jabbed at the nerve which was still extremely tender after that morning's combat lesson,

Fear, raw and agonizing, curled in my stomach before I passed out.

When I came to, my head was throbbing and it was cold; even more so than usual, and something hard and pointed, but not sharp, was digging into my back, but I couldn't find the energy, or the inclination to move it.

I had a feeling I was missing out on something, something important. Out of habit, I checked the bond; nope Lissa was okay she was with Christian, once again scarring me for life … so what the hell was it?

I wasn't afraid, although, a voice was nagging at me in the back of my mind; that I should be.

Maybe it was this bloody thing digging into my back, I reached under myself to grab it and throw it across my room, but I paused as soon as my fingers brushed against the rock and my eyes shot open and my torso snapped up off the damp earth, only to my pushed back by protests from my head; because it was a rock, on damp earth, not some plastic bottle or whatever on a comfortable mattress.

As soon as I touched that stone, images flashed through my mind, Jesse, Ralf, Andrew and someone else, each standing over me,

Taking turns …

That's when it hit me, the pain. And it wasn't the near blindness from the gaps in the canopy of leaves overhead, one unfortunately angled so the sun was right in my eyes, indicating it was still daytime, and therefore a while before I would be missed, but the stomach cramps that are all too familiar to any girl, only ten, no, a hundred times worse, so much so that instead of grumbling and going to find the nearest bathroom, I couldn't move for the agony. It was all I could do to gasp and double over, trying to make myself as small as possible, clutching my middle.

Excruciating though it was, my mind wasn't clouded, in fact it was the clearest it had been lately.

I knew what had happened, Hell it didn't take a genius.

I felt dirty, filthy, violated.

This pain was punishment; even the light was punishing me for letting them …

I can't even word it to myself, and I almost laughed sardonically at the irony. I almost welcomed the physical pain, because it kept my mind clear and kept me from thinking about what must have only been a few hours before.

I wrapped my arms around my knees as I lay almost foetal position on the ground. I concentrated on the cold seeping through my dressing gown, and the pains still wracking my lower stomach.

As the weight of what had happened was threatening to crush me, I noticed that I was wet from the waist down, and that my various jumpers, sports bra and sweats and underwear, was scattered around the clearing. So, painstakingly, I struggled to my feet, to gather them up and put them back on, despite the slight tearing and occasional holes and dirt that now seemed embedded into the fabric. I had realised that the wetness I felt was blood, hardly surprising really. It was mostly dried so it just added to the feeling that filth encrusted me.

Once I was dressed and semi decent, my legs gave way and I crumbled to the floor, like a wooden tower who only just realised it was half burned to ashes and dust.

Again I hugged my knees, like an abused child seeking comfort. But I'm old enough to know that there I no comfort to be gained, not from something like this.

Before I could stop it, a tear leaked from my eye.

It was swiftly followed my another, and another, until I was sobbing convulsively, my forehead resting against my knees, the salty drops falling into my sweatpants, onto the part of my body that had been so recently defiled.

The pain from my stomach was fading slightly and I resented it. I needed the pain. Every second it became easier to bear, the worse I felt, my mind wasn't cloudy but I almost wished it were, instead, painfully sharp and real snatches of the past few hours played in a kaleidoscope of order, so on their own they were horrific, but they made no sense so could therefore be easily dismissed, but together they burned a constant movie in my brain.

Forever playing, never ending, excruciating.

I let low a mixture of another heaving sob and a scream. The agony of the film was too much to bear, I would rather the pain worsened, I would rather the Ice chilled me, creeping into my brain and freezing the images,

I would rather die.

I sat there for a while, trying my hardest to force myself into Lissas mind, even sex with Christian wouldn't be as bad as this, but my own hectic emotions in turmoil kept me firmly, and miserably in my own head.

So instead I concentrated on Lissa, running through memories of all the times that stood out. The good, the bad, and the bad hair days that always started a new trend.

The tears still fell, but slower now, and I was no longer sobbing.

Then, one memory, of one of the bad times, yet surprisingly alluring forced itself to the forefront of my mind, pushing the internal agony aside, and leaving me with a purpose.

Unsteadily, I got to my feet again and set off through the woods that surrounded the school. I knew that if I went in the wrong direction I would sense the ward, or see ghosts, and I also know that if I went in the right direction, I wouldn't have trouble getting in.

Yup, security sucked.

**So what do you think? I know, I'm a terrible person for being so horrible to poor Rose, *slaps myself* **

**Please please review, i'm actually nervous about reactions to this one :S **

**Did I go too far? If so i'm sorry, but that's just what came to me :)**

**Please don't abandon me now *cries* **

**Ideas? Hate reviews? Love reviews? Preferably the former and the latter :D**

**Love you all**

**Tibbins xx**


	17. Pain

**Hey :) I know guys so soon? But what can I say? Your reviews make me write XD**

**I seriously love you guys :D I got 16 reviews in a night, I love you all. This is also dedicated to MiSsY-MeL-183 because she wrote me a really long, review :D and I love long reviews :D Keep 'em coming.**

**This is also dedicated to BiancaVA because she has reviewed a few times and she deserved it :D**

**All credit to Richelle Mead**

Roses POV

Surprisingly, it only took about ten minutes for me to find my way out of the woods. I steered clear of the main courtyards and found my way back in, no one was about so I walked quite easily to my bathroom.

I hesitated for a long time before I opened the cupboard under my sink, this would mean breaking a very serious promise that I made to myself, and to do this would make me feel like a failure.

_But _said a little voice _I would rather feel like a failure to myself than keep feeling like this. _

The voice was right. I would have to cope somehow.

I reached into the cupboard and pulled out my razor. It wasn't hard to get the blade free of the plastic casing and I smiled sardonically at this thought, they really couldn't make it harder could they? Whoever _they_ were.

I just held the blade in my hand for a while, staring at it. It lay there innocently and I was reminded of the song Tourniquet by Paramore, and that made me chuckle.

I couldn't look at anything but the silver piece of metal in my palm.

Slowly, I reached out with my right hand and traced the sharp edge with my finger; with a flash of pain, blood dripped into my hand, staining the blade red.

The pain was so good. It shocked me enough to keep me from thinking about … before.

I was just doing this for curiosity, I told myself. But even I couldn't believe it. I wanted this; I wanted the pain to go away.

Fascinated, I picked the blade up and, after squeezing my eyes shut for a second and making a quick wish; I drew the blade across my wrist.

From Lissa, I knew where the major arteries were, so I could avoid them. I didn't want to die … Yet.

I held my wrist over the sink, letting the blood fall onto the porcelain. I brought the blade back to my wrist and made another red line about an inch behind the first.

The flow of blood increased, it was like all the pain in my body was in the blood and it too poured out of me, down the drain.

Those first two, were for me, all the pain of before was gone.

I looked at myself in the mirror, there was still pain there and I thought of all the people who had caused me pain.

A cut for my mum for when she left me.

A cut for Jesse

A cut for Ralf

A cut for Andrew

A cut for the other one, they weren't worth more than one cut each

Three cuts for Dimitri, for every time he pushed me away

Four cuts for Lissa

Two for Christian

One for Stan

Two for Adrian

Five for Mason

That made twenty six red, bleeding lines up my arm. Running from my wrist to my shoulder, number 17 was directly on my inside of my elbow.

There was so much blood pouring out of me now that I was beginning to feel slightly dizzy.

But the pain was gone!

All that was left was the Ice, and the slashes. But they were all physical, and I had been trained at how to deal with the physical pain. That was what made me strong.

The whole sink was red now; I turned on the hot water, not that it felt hot to me but anyway, it washed all the blood and pain away, down the drain, diluting it so it turned a pretty pink as it swirled away. It was quite hypnotising really; watching all the pain in my body drain away.

It was a good feeling. And I liked it.

I didn't want it to stop.

But the dizziness was getting more persistent and I knew that I would pass out soon. So I got a bandage from the first aid kit from the same cupboard. I then washed the blade under the tap and put it back in the plastic razor casing. Before staring at it longingly and regrettably placed it back in its place and closing the door.

I stumbled to my bed, not bothering to change.

When I woke up I had to change the bandage, resisting the urge to cut again. I knew that I couldn't do it too often despite the fact that most of the pain had returned, making it impossible to ignore the events of the night before.

Whenever I saw Jesse, Ralf, or Andrew I skirted around them, but they all leered at me in a way that made me think that they would do it again if they could. I averted my eyes and tried to fight Andrew in combat.

I lost.

I couldn't win, even if it was only one on one. I couldn't face him let alone fight him; I just couldn't, not with images from last night flashing through my mind…

So I lost, I didn't even try, I let him pin me to the floor and jab at my heart, which hurt like a bitch because he used more force than was necessary; winding me slightly. Then he stood up, obviously discouraged by my lack of reaction. I breathed a sigh of relief as Matinova gave me another bollocking for not blocking or attacking etc, blah, blah, blah.

After lunch, alone again, I made my way to Stan's class. I think he was worried again, he kept picking on me but I just answered his questions, trying to ignore the eyes of Jesse on me and trying not to shudder in revulsion. I failed. And I shifted several times, playing with the sleeve of my top that covered the bandage that needed changing again, luckily I wore a red top, and a red jumper so it wouldn't be noticeable even if it managed to seep through all the layers.

After class I passed Christian, heading to cooking, he looked at me with a sneer and that was too much, I squared my jaw and flexed my fist, mastering my self control as I walked passed, but he caught my arm and I winced as he unknowingly squeezed slightly on the still fresh cuts on that arm. I turned to him and he stepped back under the brute force of my glare but he didn't look away.

'Can we talk?'

I was taken aback and to cover my astonishment I Rosifyed my response

'Don't you have to go bake a cake?' I spat

He shook his head and I swear to God, nearly smiled,

'Don't tell me you've never skipped class before, Please, I won't tell if you don't'

Christian Ozera said please? And I have to admit, I am curious as to what would make him practically beg me to talk to him (his saying 'please' counts as begging)

So I nodded stiffly and followed him to a deserted classroom where he turned to me.

'We need to talk'

**So... Cliffy, **

**Ideas about what they are gonna talk about?**

**Reviews?**

**Love you guys**

**Tibbins xx**


	18. Questions

**See what I mean about reviews making me write fast? I GOT TWENTY FOUR IN A NIGHT! :D :D :D :D :D :D**

**I was soo happy you would never have believed it XD**

**Anyway, thank you to everyone who reviewed. Again this chapter is a split dedication, half, goes to kinanbon x3 because she has reviewed on every single chapter, Thank you :D Dont stop :D**

**And the other half goes to MiSsY-MeL-183 again because she is awesome and sweet and Btw Thank you for the advice :D and dogs are awesome XD**

**Richelle Mead created the characters. I just abuse them XD  
**

Roses POV

'The _Hell _we do!' I snapped at him, Yes, I was pissed 'What makes you think I care what you have to say?'

Christian shrugged

'You're here' he said simply.

That shut me up. For about a second

'Well if your worried about Lissa, she's ok' I informed him, well … as ok as she could be I guess, what with her not being Lissa and all.

'I'm not worried about Lissa' he said, giving me a searching look. I squirmed; I can't deal with 'looks' anymore.

'Quit looking at me like that Pyro twat.'

'Hey, you're a poet and you didn't know it' he retorted teasingly.

This was making me mad. How could he _joke _with me when everyone thought I'd … ugh?

'What the _Hell _is going on Christian?' I growled

He looked taken aback

'Jeesh Rose, I just wanted to know why you're ignoring me; I mean seriously, every time you pass me you glare at me, whenever I try to talk to you, you look like you want to claw my eyeballs out and serve them to me on toast. What the Hell did I do?'

I gaped at him

'Are you serious?' I asked incredulously

He didn't answer; he just looked at me out of those ice blue eyes.

'Ask Lissa' I spat, before I turned on my heel and left the classroom.

I went back to my room. I couldn't be bothered with Slavic Arts and it was our last class anyway.

When I got there I was restless. I changed my bandage and my clothes; I took a shower and changed my bandage and clothes again, just for something to do.

I took my laundry down (apart from the bloodstains which I binned) and did all my homework.

What the Hell did Christian mean?

Did he honestly just forget the rumours about us sleeping together?

How?

_How does anyone forget? _I asked myself. _How does Lissa make people forget? _

Compulsion, I answered. But who wants me dead/miserable and why?

These thoughts swirled in my brain, but nothing fit together.

I paced my room.

I wanted to go out but …

_Knock, Knock, Knock._

Great.

I strode over to my door and flung it open.

Dimitri stood there.

'Hey' I greeted. 'To what do I owe the pleasure?'

He smiled down at me, God he is so _tall_.

'I found this, last night, by the Oak.' He said as he held out my notebook.

Shit, I'd forgotten about that. Think fast girl.

'Thanks.' I said, taking it. Were you security again?' I teased 'You missed me'

'Yes' he replied, raising an eyebrow _Damn _'Your ninja skills surpassed you, almost.' I gulped and looked down; I knew he could see right through me.

'What do you mean?' I whispered, had he seen something? Heard something? If so then why didn't he help me?

'Well, you left incriminating evidence' he said, his tone was light, but there was a touch of pain behind it.

'With your name on and your … gravestone in.' His voice cracked slightly, but as he was still in the hallway, he refused to show too much emotion. 'Nice one by the way, very original.' Here his voice turned hard and sarcastic and the Ice seemed to rejoice, tightening around my nerves; causing me to tense and shiver.

I was still looking at his feet, guilt overwhelming me, should I tell him? About Jesse and co? The cutting?

Could I?

Why was I thinking about this? I love him. I can tell him anything right?

Right?

All this flashed through my mind in less than a second, but in reality, I was dawdling.

I don't know what to do.

Dimitri made my mind up for me.

'How are you feeling Rose? Any worse?' he asked anxiously

I shook my head, 'Not worse' I answered, 'but not better either. I'm still cold, but …' I shrugged 'I guess I've been thinking about it a lot.'

I looked up as Dimitri nodded.

'What's wrong Rose?'

I smiled at him sadly and shut the door, giving him time to stop me and insist I tell him what happened. That's what I wanted him to do. I wanted to tell him, _needed_ to tell him.

But I couldn't, not unless he made me.

The door clicked shut.

I heard his footsteps receding.

Why was he going? Why didn't he stop me from closing the door?

How didn't he know?

I looked down at my notebook, still in my hand. I flipped it open.

The '_My headstone' title_ had gone.

It had been ripped out.

Where it should have been was a note, in a beautiful script that I knew and loved.

_I WON'T let you die Roza._

_I love you. _

_D_

Most people would have put kisses, but I knew that that wasn't the kind of person he was; and I didn't expect them from him. That wasn't the kind of person I was either.

And I loved him all the more for it.

I smiled as I read the note; I traced the black lines with my fingertip and thought of the strong hand that had written them; the strong back, hunched over, so his silky hair fell onto the page, hair that the strong hand brushed back impatiently, but hair that I loved.

I could imagine him wanting to write in Russian; his mother tongue; I think he smiled as he thought of me, trying to understand the beautiful, yet totally gibberish writing that was his first language.

Maybe he even laughed out loud as he pictured me turning the book upside down, trying to make sense of the dialect so easy for him.

Wow that was deep. Well anyway, I'm glad he resisted the temptation, because otherwise I would have had to Google it, and I really couldn't be bothered.

(What? Google knows all!)

I knew he meant those words; that he would do everything he could do to save me.

But; my own words came back to haunt me

Even he can't save me from myself.

**So... you like? **

**Keep reviewing guys and I'll type faster :D**

**Ideas are much apreciated because brain juice is starting to dry up unless I get inspiration fast! **

**Message me so you dont spoil any possible future plotlines XD :D but please review too :D**

**Love you all :D**

**Tibbins xx**


	19. Caught

**Wow. . . I'm actually shocked at myself. Two chapters in a day ... hehe i feel so special. **

**This chapter has quite a bit of humor and funnt random quotes in it and I only ask that you DON'T STEAL THEM, please :D They have sentimental value. If anyone does and someone who reads this reads one of my quoted in another story, could that person let me know please? ... if that made sense. **

**Anyway its two o clock in the morning and I'm tired but I wanted to get all of this down tonight so here you go :D**

**This one is dedicated to Vanessa because she said she was checking every hour... provided she isn't asleep yet XD**

**Richelle Mead is all powerful blah blah blah XD**

Roses POV

Five cuts for Christian

Five for Dimitri.

The blood seeped from the parted skin, taking the pain away from my body. Once, I went too deep and a sliver of Ice came out with the blood; I picked it up curiously before it was washed away, and almost immediately dropped it again. The Ice in my neck had curled tighter, jerking my head back, and I accidentally made a cut on the back of my hand.

I swore. Looks like the fingerless leather gloves that Lissa bought for me would have to make an appearance tomorrow. But right now I was too lost in the high of being pain free to care.

I left it a bit longer this time before bandaging myself up. I wanted to prolong the moment of peace and tranquillity.

I lay back against the bath with my arm still in the sink (not a very comfortable position) and I closed my eyes. Letting the all the bad feelings drift away.

Letting myself drift away.

When everything focussed somewhat again and I opened my eyes, smiling goofily, I was surprised to find that there was a tree in my bathroom. I reached out to it and poked it … how strange I thought; a tree covered in black material.

I then decided to look up, to see what kind of tree it was, but as I did, I was met with a VERY angry and slightly worried looking Russian God.

…

So; of course, I said something absolutely ridiculous, and I cringed internally when I heard the words issue from my mouth.

'So … you aren't a silver birch then?'

Oh my God. Let me die now. Please!

Fortunately, after momentary confusion and a look which said _I think your brain juice has been used up by grain weevils. _He recovered himself slightly

'No, Rose, I'm not. I'm just your very worried mentor'

He looked more angry than worried to me.

So then, as if that wasn't bad enough; when the full impact hit me of what I'd been caught doing. (Slitting my wrists) with congealing blood running down my arm as undeniable evidence, I sat up awkwardly and then did something I will regret till the day I die.

I opened my mouth again.

And if it were possible, more random words came spilling out.

'The evil penguins didn't make me not undo it!'

Shit….

My mouth started to open again, but I forced it shut to stop me saying something else stupid like

'It was actually a nanny goat but she ran away on a pink motorcycle!' I blurted

Shit … again.

I sighed, and this time gave some thought to my word of choice

'Oops.'

'Oops is right' said a voice that wasn't my own. I'd almost forgotten that I wasn't alone and spouting rubbish at myself.

A strong hand that I had imagined writing words of love not an hour or so before, reached down and gently cupped my elbow, helping me to stand.

I scrambled up clumsily. I knew that I'd be blushing if I felt warm enough; but as it was I think I just looked like an idiot.

Dimitri guided me to my bed and sat me down gently, telling with a look to stay where I was, on pain of more Russian anger. Then he disappeared back into the bathroom, re-emerging with a clean bandage and a damp flannel for my ravaged arm. He knelt down in front of me, took my arm in his hand and started sponging it clean, gently wiping away the clotting blood and rinsing it out every so often into my plastic bin that was gonna be a bitch to clean but I didn't want to say anything that might turn into babble.

The feel of Dimitri smoothly dabbing at my arm was strangely nice, despite the fact that it stung like crap when he put some antiseptic cream on the soon to be scars.

There was the same look of intense concentration on his face as when he battled with Strigoi, as well as a slight nostalgic look that took me back to the time when he cleaned my hands in the gym changing rooms, forever ago.

When he had finished mopping me up, he started applying the bandage. His fingers were gentle, yet firm, and it was done quickly, although I wished he would drag it out a bit; so far he had been working in silence but I knew that as soon as both hands were free he would speak. And from the hard glint in his eye, I didn't think he was going to laugh at my outburst of schurburble. (Yes it's a real word … But you won't find it in the dictionary … or anywhere else for that matter).

I bit my lip, to stop me from whimpering, and talking. But I knew that if I grumbled, then Dimitri would give me a stupid Zen lesson about how it was my own stupid fault and he'd raise his stupid eyebrow and look at me like I was stupid. Which I was but still!

All too soon, the calmingly familiar medical treatment was over and Dimitri was ready to talk business, which sucks because I wasn't sure that I was.

I gulped as Dimitri covered both my hands in his and stared into my eyes. They were that unique fire and chocolate combination that wouldn't have suited anyone else. The fire was simmering gently with concern and the chocolate was gooey and delicious, but there was a spark of anger and resentment in there too. But mostly concern.

As he gazed into my eyes, silently enrapturing me so I couldn't look away, he asked me the simple question that I knew was coming. Yet I still flinched when it was asked. The desperation to know was clear in his voice and his eyes, and the pain that I unintentionally caused him, and it made my stomach flutter with guilt; and I gasped a little before answering.

'Why Roza?'

**Just so you know schurburble ISN'T a real word. So you cant say I lie XD. **

**Thanks guys, I hope you enjoyed. MiSsY-MeL-183 gave me a few ideas which helped me get more brain juice Twilighternproud hehe.**

**Keep reviewing and more ideas are always apreciated. Tell me things that you want to read about and I'll do my best for you. **

**Just so you know, I read every single review even though I don't reply to any, however I do reply to all messages so feel free :D**

**Love you all**

**Tibbins xx**


	20. Pressure

**I know this chapter is really short, but I'm going to update again in a couple of hours so I hope that compensates for it :)**

**Richelle Mead kindly lets me play with her characters**

**This one is for Adena Von Kessel because she liked the bit about Dimitri being a tree hehe XD**

Roses POV

'Because I couldn't cope with it …' I trailed off pathetically; Dimitri cocked an eyebrow at me, again,_ Damn him again._

'Cope with what Rose?' Anxiety laced his expression and his silk and honey voice; I looked down so I was staring at his knees and I whispered in a voice so small that he made me repeat it

'The pain'

I wasn't looking at him so I couldn't see his face. I couldn't stand the pity that I knew I would see in his eyes. Maybe there would even be accusation and disappointment which would be worse than any amount of anger.

'Why do you hurt?' but I just shook my head. I couldn't tell him unless he forced me, and I wanted him to force me. I wanted him to find out what Jesse, Andrew and Ralf did to me and I want him to comfort me and then go crazy Russian on their asses.

But because he was Dimitri, and because I knew Dimitri, I also knew that he wouldn't, because he knew me, he knew that normally I would never admit if something hurt me.

So this had to be big.

'Roza, please, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong with you.'

No.

Wrong answer.

He was taking the soft and gentle approach. Which I loved; don't get me wrong, but it wouldn't get me to tell.

Even though he was practically begging me and he was literally on his knees, asking me to tell him what was the matter.

But I couldn't form the words.

I work best under pressure.

'That's the point Comrade' I said, grinning at him

Whereas inside, I was dying.

The pain came back. More intense than ever. My fingers twitched for the release I needed, for the feel of the blade on my skin. Instead, they brushed Dimitri's calloused palm.

'Rose!'

I focused again,

'What?'

'Tell me.'

I shook my head again

'I'm handling it' I said testily

'By trying to kill yourself?' Ahh; there was that lovely Russian anger

'I wasn't!' I said

'That's what Vasilisa said! But she nearly died didn't she!'

I flinched.

That was low.

He visibly mastered himself

'I'm sorry Rose. I'm just … when I walked in and saw you on the floor …' He shut his eyes, as if he were remembering something that caused him intense pain.

Bugger. Back to the soft approach.

I sighed.

'Well, we are both fine now.' I said, averting my eyes.

'No Rose, you aren't.' He said softly 'Why won't you tell me?'

Why won't he get angry at me? Why does he have to be so bloody reasonable? Why can't he make me tell him like I need him to? How can't he already _know_?

'Because maybe I don't want to talk about it alright? And maybe I just CAN'T!' I yelled at him.

I stood up and jerked my hands away. I had to get out of here, I can't torture myself any more with thinking that he was about to get it out of me and then he would keep his bloody self control.

I ran. Out the door, down the hall, across campus. I was in the trees before I could stop to think about it.

I knew he was following me. I knew he wouldn't let me get away this time. I knew he was desperate.

But so was I.

My breathing quickened, and not because of the running; I couldn't stay here, in these trees where things hid and where secrets are buried.

And I couldn't go to the cabin because that was too obvious.

He knew too much about me to go anywhere that I usually went when I was upset or trying to hide something.

So I ran to the river. A place that I liked, hidden away, and the bridge that arched over it.

I hadn't told anyone about it. It had never seemed important. I hadn't been there since before me and Lissa left the Academy and I'd forgotten about it.

Until now.

**So there you go... I suppose I could've merged the chapters together to make a longer one but I don't think it would've worked so well**

**Keep reviewing people :D**

**Love you all**

**Tibbins xx**


	21. Appearances

**Here you are :D as promised**

**This one is for michellejamesbelikov because she sent me a message :D and I loves em XD**

**Disclaimer still stands.  
**

Roses POV

People always told me that I was 'Hotness Incarnate', well, not recently but they used to.

What with the kind of curves that most lads (and girls) would die to have, in one way or another.

And one did.

A tear; waiting to be shed, clung to my eyelashes and I blinked to let it fall. It left a glistening track down my cheek before dropping silently into the running water below.

I knew that no matter how long I lived. I would never truly forgive myself for Mason's death.

I was a mess. No make up, my dark brown hair cascaded down over my shoulders as I leaned out further.

Nestling into my chest was the _Nazar _that always hung around my throat, and the _chotki _that I never took off was on my bandaged wrist.

They seemed to glow against my once olive skin.

I twined one calloused finger around a lock of my dark hair, the way that Dimitri so liked to do. The roughness of my hand was a result of training and pain. So much pain.

It filled me; along with the fear and guilt that followed me everywhere like a repulsive dog.

My full lips parted as I choked back a sob and my head hung in defeat.

I was a sorry sight. Hunched like an old woman; and here I am not even a Guardian yet. If I lived that long.

As I looked down into my rippling reflection I saw the darkness of my eyes. Those hateful, seductive slits in my face that enable me to see.

Some say that they are beautiful, maybe that's why 'some' are not here.

Overcome by my grief for Mason, and Lissa and Adrian and everyone else who had changed beyond recognition and fear for and of myself; I clawed at my face, nails scrabbling to open my flesh and tear out the beauty. And the pain.

I never understood her before, I never understood why this helped; but now I do. I needed this. I needed the physical pain.

I need to be ugly!

Maybe that was why Jesse had done what he did.

I was the perfect honey trap; and I had loved it. I used to flaunt and flirt and underlie it all with attitude. Not now. Maybe not ever again.

I would show my curves, wear what perfectly hugged my enviable figure, emphasising my shapely legs and my toned stomach, causing others to drool.

I would wear my silky hair up, showing off my tattoos, styling it in a way that framed my sensual face, outlining my eyes that seemed to mirror the night sky.

Oh how the tables have turned. To think that _I_ was the strong one; the one who could handle anything and everything and not break a sweat.

Not this.

Anything but this.

Mason's last moments again, echoed through my mind, as if to stave off my own pain,

The sickening crack that had echoed through both our bodies and his fell.

Then back to Adrian, scrabblings, screamings, pain, Darkness.

The welt on my stomach is the only physical evidence.

A clean bill of health. Ha!

No more sarcasm will escape my perfect teeth, no more flirting or badass sexy attitude. Not for me.

All gone.

After Jesse, the only thing that had really kept me around was my promise to Lissa. My best friend. But now even that had lost meaning to me, as the days kept going by with no change, no _trust _from her, and the pain increased. Not even Lissa can help me now.

I am broken

And she doesn't even know.

But it isn't her fault. She comes first.

Always.

No exceptions.

Except now.

'This one is for me!' My shattered voice, barely used; exploded from within me wrapping the trees in its once musical tone before it floated away on the summer breeze. Never to be heard. As unimportant as my tears

As I prepared myself to jump.

…

'Rose NO!'

An arm reached out and yanked me back, away from the edge.

They then encircled me as I just lay there, too tired to do anything, too drained to care; and too confused to wonder why the Hell I had just tried to jump off a bridge.

All that mattered was that I was sobbing into Dimitri's chest and that he was whispering in Russian, holding the back of my head and stroking my hair softly.

**Ok, so it got a bit angsty. This is another thing that I wrote in English ages ago and I just changed it to fit to this story. **

**I really wanted it in there and I hope it works**

**Let me know all your thoughts, good, bad, indifferent**

**and Ideas are always helpful and appreciated**

**Thanks guys**

**Love you**

**Tibbins xx**


	22. Admissions

**Hey. My third update in a day! O.o you should be happy with me XD**

**The disclaimer remains the same. I can't be bothered thinking of an original thing to say hehe**

**This one is dedicated to crystal49s who seems to be the first non liker of the story :'( btw I know its sad. I'm writing it XD hehe I hope this changes your mind :D**

Roses POV

I lay there for a little while longer while I cried my eyes out.

Dimitri just held me, staving off his anger until we were both ready.

Presently I sat back hiccoughing slightly; and, trembling, I steeled myself to look into his eyes.

His face was tight with anxiety and (Thank God) anger.

His hands moved to the tops of my arms, trapping me.

'Rose, what the_ Hell _were you thinking?' His voice was deadly quiet.

I just opened my mouth, stuttered and, realising that I had no way to answer him, closed it again and shook my head by way of an explanation.

Dimitri's rage was such that he actually _shook _me, his fingers biting deep into my skin.

'I swear to God Rose!' he growled as he shook me again, 'You tell me _right_ _now_ what happened to make you want to' here he took a deep breath to steady himself 'Because if you carry on the way you are doing then you will be the death of us both!'

I bit my lip in shame and hope. Here it was, the demand I needed.

'Tell me Rose!'

I nearly cracked a smile. Finally!

So I did. I told him everything. What I had been thinking about when I first cut myself, and on the bridge, and everything in between.

Dimitri's face got grimmer and his lips got thinner as he realised that what he had caught me doing wasn't the first time.

I hesitated before telling the part of the story that caused me the most pain; briefly contemplating not telling him and leaving it there.

But the need was too strong.

So I told him that too. Leaving out the part about me knowing who it was, Knowing that If I didn't then Dimitri would go on a homicidal massacre spree, and as satisfying as it would be, it wouldn't help anyone; least of all Dimitri.

I gave sufficient other details to prove that I wasn't lying. Not that that would have crossed his mind for a second.

Pretty soon I was sobbing my way through the rest of the tale and Dimitri took me back into his arms; this time tenderly.

'Oh Roza' he whispered, rocking me back and forth like a baby when I had chokingly spoken the last sentence and dissolved onto a sobbing wreck. 'I'm so sorry this happened to you. And I'm sorry for not finding out sooner.'

He kept apologising for silly things beyond his control like he was the mastermind behind it all, so when I was coherent again I told him to stop.

'It's not your fault.' I insisted 'you couldn't have done anything.'

'Who was it' he demanded through clenched teeth 'I know you know. Who did this to you?'

But although I had needed his anger to explain everything, I had to withhold this vital piece of info, no matter how mad he got.

'It doesn't matter' I said, looking down at my shoes; bracing myself for an explosion.

'The _Hell _it does!' he roared, letting his anger get the best of him 'I want to know!'

'And what will knowing do?' I retorted. 'Make you go to beat up the dickheads? So you can lose your position and your reputation and be posted somewhere else doing Admin? One of the best Guardians out there will be sitting behind a desk, all because I got raped!'

I cringed. That's the first time I had said it out loud. Whilst telling Dimitri I had skirted around that R word but still conveyed the meaning clearly enough.

My voice was shaking when I continued, in a softer tone

'I don't want that. Not because of me Dimitri; especially now that you are the _only _person who believes in me anymore. I need you _here_' I stressed the last word, almost in tears again.

Dimitri's face was full of tenderness as he reached out to cup mine.

Once again I felt warmth.

'Then _here_ is where I'll stay' he murmured.

Then he tilted my chin upwards, to bring my lips to his.

**Okay crystal49s I know it is still sad but still that last kiss is cute. ADMIT IT PEOPLE! XD :D**

**Opinions please :D Messages welcome, Ideas loved**

**Love you all**

**Tibbins xx**


	23. Possibilities

**Right, this one is very short, I just wanted it in there before I forgot. I added this for humor value.**

**This one is for BiancaVA because she keeps reviewing :D keep it up please :D**

**Disclaimer as usual**

Roses POV

All too soon out kiss was over and Dimitri lifted me to my feet.

'Don't you_ ever _do anything like that again Rose, you understand?' He said as we walked. 'Do you have any idea how scared I was?'

I nodded thoughtfully as I walked.

I certainly hadn't been planning on jumping from that bridge when I had run out of my room; I had just wanted to hide for a bit.

Someone wants me dead. But who? And why?

Again, these questions nagged at me. But I couldn't find any answers. Christian appeared to have forgotten anything via compulsion. And the only people capable of that level of compulsion are Spirit users; but it certainly wasn't Lissa. And if it was Adrian then why was he so angry when he came to find me if he already knew it was a load of bull?

And why would they want me dead.

I think I should narrow it down to someone I had pissed off …

Okay

~Christian (repeatedly)

~Adrian (he was pretty pissed that time when I swapped his hair gel with his toothpaste)

~Jesse (When I announced loudly at breakfast that the only thing he could 'get up' for was to have a slash.)

~Ralf (there was that time I 'accidentally' kneed him in the crotch)

~Andrew (for beating his ass in training almost every single time)

~All his friends

~Meredith (For hiding her tampons when she was cruising the crimson wave)

~This guy who once insulted Lissa in the canteen queue (I poured the gravy tub all over him)

~A girl who I once tripped up in the hall because she called me a bitch

~All her friends

~A really cheeky first year who wouldn't shut the hell up (I slipped a laxative into his food; you should have seen his face, it went everywhere!)

~his girlfriend

~All his and her friends

~All his friends' training partners

~All their friends

~Stan

~Yuri

~Kirova

~Matinova

~Matinova's friends

~And a guy called Jack who I told to fuck off.

Well that narrowed it down. I now know it wasn't Lissa or Dimitri. Which I kinda knew anyway but still. But it could be anyone else in the entire school. Not excluding teachers.

Am I really that bad?

**So whatcha think? Not really a chapter but just a bit of giggles. But hey this is my fourth update in a day I think I'm allowed to slack a bit**

**Let me know your thoughts. I'm not psychic or I could see the ending. Or at least who the person is**

**IDEAS PEOPLE XD**

**Love you all**

**Tibbins xx**


	24. Repetitions

**Hey everyone :D I've been busy the past couple of days**

**This one is for Jshagan. reviewer number two hundred :D woooooo**

**Disclaimer applies**

Roses POV

If it was Lissa then I would have known through the bond. She can't keep the really big stuff to herself.

And it wasn't Dimitri. I was as certain about that as I was my own name. No way.

I sighed and glanced up at the muscular figure beside me. He strode purposefully. He knew where we were going.

He knew more than I did.

I looked back down at the earth, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other.

I was ashamed. And I was scared

As if he could sense this he reached out and took my hand, squeezing gently so I knew that I wasn't alone on this.

Someone else knew now; someone else who could kick major butt. I grinned slightly at that possible outcome.

Suddenly, Ice punched me in the back of my neck and I tripped and fell to the ground before Dimitri could react.

'Roza what's wrong?' he said anxiously, concern written all over him.

'Ice' I hissed; rubbing my neck as he helped me scramble to my feet. 'I'd almost forgotten about it what with everything else.'

'Looks like it doesn't want to be forgotten' Dimitri stated, looking at me worriedly.

'Dimitri, I'm fine' he raised an eyebrow 'Okay, but I _feel _fine! Don't start worrying until I turn turquoise.'

That was such a weird analogy. Dimitri handed me his duster and I shook my head slightly as I put it on and carried on walking; and Dimitri chuckled before catching up with me.

We strolled in silence back to the school, lost in our own thoughts. I sighed as I gave up on trying to guess the right person like in one of those murder mystery programme thingies on TV, like Taggart… Or Scooby Doo.

The stars could be seen through the occasional gaps in the trees that stretched far above our heads. I unconsciously drew closer to Dimitri as we passed a clearing that looked familiar; Dimitri looked down at me, his face sympathetic, he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pinning me to him as I breathed in his comforting scent, and I looked at his duster as we passed it, concentrating on the way the slight breeze lifted the little tassel things.

When we passed, and were on the tree line, Dimitri planted a kiss on my head before removing his hand and together, we walked out from under the shade, and into the moonlight.

I felt the loss of him, before I felt the Ice return; latching onto my most sensitive nerves and squeezing.

My fists clenched and my lips pressed together, to stop myself from screaming. Dimitri was looking around, checking to make sure we weren't seen.

I knew that he was the only one that could make me feel warmth.

But I can't say anything. It will only make him feel more responsible if … something happens.

So I bit my lip and said nothing, despite the fact that that was a close rival to Adrian's pain game.

It was so cold. The air seemed to be biting into my flesh and the previously pleasant breeze turned sharp and icy. I shivered inside Dimitri's duster and pulled it closer around me.

Dimitri assessed us as 'safe' and beckoned me over to walk beside him. And he gave me the key to the side door that would let me back into the school, giving me a convenient bypass of the Guardian at the desk who probably would just be coming on duty now that it was starting to get lighter and the stars were beginning to fade out.

I made it to my room without incident before I realised that I was still wearing Dimitri's duster

Damn.

I took it off and stowed it under my bed, putting the key in one of its pockets. I'd go to his room tomorrow and leave it in a bag outside. Anyone passing by would think it had just been laundered or something.

I yawned, realising for the first time how tired I was, before I looked in the mirror.

Oh. My. God!

How did Dimitri look at me without cringing? I had ugly red scratches across my face, some of which were bleeding, my eyes were dark, swollen and bloodshot, my lips were chapped, my loose hair matted and limp and my skin had that blue tinge that came so naturally to a dead person.

I looked … Deranged. Like a mad witch or something what with my knotted hair and pale skin.

I raised a hand to run it through my hair and it stopped in midair as I saw the bandage; untying it and unwinding it to reveal the scars. Some deep and still raw looking, one even looked infected, the rest were pale pink, fading to white;

I grimaced and headed straight for the shower instead of collapsing onto my bed like I wanted to.

After yet another nightmare (Jeez isn't Adrian ever going to get bored?) I fell into another uneasy sleep, but not another Adrian dream, nor was it dreamless. It was about Jesse, and the images in my memory slotted together; creating an almost perfect recollection, which is _not _something I want.

Eventually it was late enough to get up. The red marks on my face had faded slightly, but not so much so that they could be covered by makeup, nevertheless I tried anyway, trying to use as much foundation as possible without turning orange. At least they covered the dark circles under my eyes.

I sighed and gave up. Slathered on some moisturiser and left my dorm, taking the duster in a couple of plastic bags with me.

A couple of people passed me so when I reached Dimitri's room I took the first bag off so no one would make the connection between Victoria Secret and Wal mart, and tempted as I was to leave it in a Victoria Secret bag, the image alone was enough to make me laugh so I decided to be nice.

I passed Jesse in the corridor, and I flinched as he looked at me and smirked.

'Did you enjoy the other night Rose?' he sneered as he looked around, making sure we were alone. I put my head down and walked faster, the fear that I felt in the dream coming to the surface and I pulled the neck of my purple jumper higher, the way he was looking at me was so… intrusive, that I felt dirty and ashamed all over again.

Disappointed by my lack of reaction he reached out to grab me. I broke into a run, energy made entirely of adrenalin coursed through me and I ran as far away from Jesse Zeklos as I could.

Eventually I slowed, realising that I had ended up outside the gym. My first class … with Andrew.

Goody.

**So... opinions please :D**

**Let me know any ideas, comments, specific likes/dislikes, **

**Love you all**

**Tibbins xx**


	25. Clues

**Hey everyone :D Thanks for all your reviews. And just to clear things up there are NO haters/ non likers of this story so far :D YAY!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter**

**Richelle Mead invented the characters and all of that **

**This one is for Rose-Dimitri-Hathaway-Belikov because I liked her review in particular :D**

Roses POV

I kept my head down and avoided eye contact with everyone and I kept as far away from Andrew as I could, as if we polar opposites.

I ended up being left without a partner and Matinova stepped towards me, a smirk on his smug face.

'Can't have you getting lazy Rose; let's see what your made of.'

Immediately I crouched into my fighting stance, eyes narrowed and for the first time in days I felt the animalistic lust to fight, my lips curled back in a sneer as he lunged, I dodged and landed a blow on his back as he stumbled, almost knocking him to the floor. I then roundhouse kicked him upwards, my foot landing square in his chest and he was knocked backwards by the force, but he recovered quickly and came at me again, catching me off guard as he landed a punch to my face, causing me to stumble back a step, he then aimed another hit to my sternum which knocked me over; winding me, I hurriedly sat up to see Matinova looming over me.

Oh _Hell _no!

So before he could move, I slipped my legs between his and hooked them behind his knees and bent; ignoring my bitching muscles. As he fell I leaped up and pushed him the rest of the way down, using my full weight; my stake at his chest.

He conceded with a nod and I got off him, panting heavily and watching as he stood up. There was no pride in his eyes that Dimitri would have. Instead, a cold indifference, as if he didn't care that I just aced combat.

I hadn't noticed at the time; but while we had been fighting, the other groups had stopped and crowded round to watch, so they all heard Matinova's spiteful call as I pushed my way through the circle to get to the door

'You just couldn't wait to get on top could you Rose?'

The class was stunned into silence for a second, before breaking out into shocked whispers and giggles.

I turned around and laughed once at the resentment on Matinova's face

'You know, that just hurt your reputation way more than mine.'

'Only because you can't sink any lower' he said, face contorting with anger

I just winked at him and filed out the door; ahead of the rest of the class.

By the time it got to Stan's class I was severely pissed off. The combat class had told everyone about 'me and Matinova' and I had heard that Matinova got called to see Kirova. I smiled a little at that; I had a feeling that I was next though and didn't allow myself too much glee in case Karma came to bite me in the ass.

I walked through the door to Stan's Hell hole and the first thing I heard was

'Ahh, Hathaway! So nice of you to join us today; you know, I thought you had better _things _to do seeing as you've skipped a couple of classes.'

I clenched my fists, ignoring the titters, and headed to my seat, sat down heavily and got out my book.

'What? Nothing to say Hathaway? How unlike you' he said in mock surprise as he strolled over to my desk,

I smiled dangerously up at him 'Oh, I have _plenty _to say Stan. But there are Guardians present.'

Stan smirked in triumph. 'That doesn't normally bother you Hathaway.' He said as he turned away and began the lesson.

About half way through though, he turned to me again and asked me a question about Strigoi anatomy that I couldn't be bothered answering, so I just shrugged and looked down, hoping he'd leave me alone.

He didn't.

'Hathaway! I asked you a question!' Stan barked.

I shrugged again

'Oh I see. Hathaway is too _tired _to answer a question! Well. Maybe if you and Mr Zeklos tried studying instead of … Ah … not studying shall we say …'

I cut him off.

I was on my feet, anger pulsating inside me. No way. He _did NOT _just mention Zeklos and me in the same sentence, especially in the same sentence that was insinuating sex.

'Fuck. Off. Stan' I growled dangerously. I glared around the room until they all quietened, catching sight of Jesse's half smug, half scared face as I did so.

Stan's grin widened

'Ah… So Hathaway doesn't like Mr Zeklos as much as she lets everyone think she does! Well then maybe it's Mr Sarcozy she favours '

Okay… I admit… I lost it there.

'YOU SON OF A BITCH!' I yelled; striding towards him, trying to block the images and the pain of that night and trying to resist punching him, fortunately, there were Guardians in the room and one of them restrained me before I could inflict damage. So I yelled some more

'Don't talk about things you don't understand Stan!' I was screaming as the Guardian hauled me out the room 'You might not like what comes out of it!'

'Rose, calm down' Dimitri's voice said from over my head. I jerked away from him and spun round, seeing Dimitri's frame block the door I knew I wouldn't be able to get back in, so I took out some of my anger on him instead, mean yeah, but necessary if I wasn't to go insane.

'Don't tell me to calm down!' I shouted 'You have NO idea!' _that Jesse and Ralf were the ones who raped me._ I finished silently.

Dimitri cocked an eyebrow. 'Maybe you'd be better off going back to your room. But stay away from the bathroom do you hear me?'

I nodded, turned on my heel and started down the corridor before he called my name and I looked over my shoulder

'Promise me.' He said, letting some concern into his voice.

I was still pissed off so I didn't say exactly what he wanted me to say, instead I said

'Whatever Comrade.'

Outside my door was none other than Adrian Ivashkov

'Little Dhampir, I haven't seen you around in a while'

'Get out of my way Adrian' I hissed. Surprised when he looked hurt, he moved aside but grabbed my arm as I tried to pass

'What's wrong Rose? You've been avoiding me like the plague and I don't know why!'

I closed my eyes and groaned. Not this again. Looks like Adrian was compulsed to forget too. Shame really. I needed to punch something.

'Right' I said, eyes still closed and I opened them, looking into his emerald eyes 'You had better come in then. I'll explain everything.'

He nodded curiously and followed me into my room.

'So what happened?'

I took a deep breath before telling him the story. Just the bit about me landing in the clinic though; I don't think I was ready for Adrian to know that yet.

As I spoke, Adrian's eyes got wider and more shocked and when I finished there was a stunned silence.

'Well… I can see why you hate me. But I don't remember any of it! I mean, I've heard the rumours about you being a …' he caught me look and coughed awkwardly 'Yeah, but … Are you sure?'

'You compulsed me to feel the worst pain of my life and you've been giving me nightmares since and before then. I'm not making this up Adrian!'

He looked at me, steady, but shaken

'Rose I'm so sorry. If I did then it wasn't _me_ at the time you know that right? You know that I would _never_ do anything to hurt you right?'

I waved his apology off

'Just help me find whoever is trying to kill me and call it square' I said

He nodded vigorously, looking dazed, sheepish and remorseful.

It was actually pretty funny.

'Well, all I remember is talking to Lissa, and she told me about how you and Christian…' he took a deep breath 'and ok, I remember the first nightmares, but they weren't that bad really?' he pleaded. I nodded

'They were _really _bad' I said.

'But, I thought I only put you in a dark place with a grave that had your name on it right in front of you. I thought you would have laughed at it.'

I did laugh.

Adrian smiled slightly and continued. 'When I woke up, Jesse was at my door. He said he wanted to invite me to this party but I didn't wanna go'

I looked at him sharply

'Jesse?'

He nodded

My brain was suddenly going into overdrive. If Jesse was there then _he _could've compelled Adrian.

_But could he? _I wondered. I know that most Moroi, although able to use compulsion, aren't very good at it.

But then it hit me.

Mânǎ

Jesse _must _have some skill in compulsion or he wouldn't have gotten in. So he was able to compel Adrian into changing the nightmares and probably compel Christian into making him start the rumours and forget.

Jesse had always wanted me

And the perfect way to keep me quiet about him and his minions was to dispose of me.

So … Jesse was to blame, and I would bet that it wasn't about the dick joke.

**So there you have it :)**

**What do you think?**

**All opinions and ideas and stuff welcome :) I LOVE getting reviews so please don't stop guys :D**

**Love you all**

**Tibbins xx**


	26. Recruits

**Hey everyone :D Thanks for all your reviews, here's the next chapter :D hope you enjoy :)**

**Richelle Mead is like God, and I'm Jesus :P**

**This one is for Salvatore-0247 Because I like the word 'suspensful' XD**

Roses POV

So … What could I do about it?

With Adrian back on my side and sitting silent and confused on my bed I had a better chance.

'It was Jesse' I told him, and I explained my reasons. Adrian's eyes narrowed with resentment, and when I told him about the rape, he jumped up, hatred burning in the very contours of his face. But when he spoke, his voice was low and dangerous

'I'm gonna kill him' he hissed 'I'm going to _fucking kill _him!'

I raised a hand, averting my eyes

'It doesn't matter now' I insisted 'but we need the old team back. We need to find Eddie first.'

Eddie Castile used to look at me like a sister, but ever since Jesse began everything, he started looking at me like a traitor. But I hoped he would forgive me, because we needed him, he was the best novice (apart from me of course)

But even despite that

I had missed him.

Adrian and I had had to wait until classes were over before going to find him.

We found him in the canteen, stocking up on his already impressive bulk, (by bulk I don't mean fat, Eddie was pure muscle)

I wandered over and dropped down on the bench opposite him. He was alone, waiting for someone probably, and he looked surprised as I sat and smiled at him.

'What do you want Rose? Not moving in on me too are you?' he said bitterly

My smile faltered, hurt, I leaned towards him and whispered

'I would have thought you'd believe in me Eddie; after everything.'

Eddie met my gaze

'You're right' He said 'I'm sorry, so what _do_ you want?'

'I need your help, come to my room at' I checked my watch '4, that should be late enough for us to get everyone else. Please Eddie' I begged seeing him hesitate; I reached out and touched his hand 'I'll explain everything' His eyes bored into mine.

Finally, he nodded

'I'll be there'

'Thank you' I said vehemently. Then I stood up and left the canteen. Adrian was standing by the entrance

'One down' I grinned 'three to go'

'That's such a cliché' laughed Adrian, I smacked him playfully and then we went to the person who I knew would pose no trouble.

We had agreed that I do the majority of convincing and Adrian only come in if we were met with major resistance, so he waited a little down the hall, giving a courteous distance as I knocked

'Hey Comrade, get the bag?'

He nodded, smiling at me in greeting, but put his finger to his lips, there was someone else in there,

So I whispered the meeting time and place, he grinned and said loudly

'No thank you, I'm off duty at the moment'

I winked at him and made my way back to Adrian

'Only two left.'

'Yeah, but I have a feeling I'll be needed for these two.'

I gulped.

We found Christian in the Library,

'Hey' he greeted dubiously 'Come to give me more riddles?'

I sighed

'No, I'm here to explain everything, my room at 4.' And I sighed before adding the next bit 'bring Lissa'

His ice blue eyes turned mocking,

'Oh dear, too scared to face her yourself, and what am I meant to tell her?'

I shrugged 'Blindfold her and play it kinky mystery, it's up to you. But make sure she comes!'

He nodded curtly

'And why should I be there?'

'So you can know exactly what you did' I hissed angrily.

'I won't make any promises for Lissa though'

'She's in her room' I told him, checking the bond. 'But she's planning to meet you at the attic. Slip her a note or something saying that's not where you're staying and it's a surprise or whatever!'

Then, unable to refrain from punching him, I turned and almost ran out of the Library.

'Christian's bringing Lissa' I informed Adrian, who nodded sympathetically.

Now, all we could do was go back to my room and wait.

It was still a while to go so Adrian went off to do whatever he did when he wasn't being entertained by us; probably smoke or something.

I sighed and settled myself down for a long, boring wait.

**Ok, I know it's shorter than usual but I thought this was a good place to leave it :) **

**PLEASE review and message me ideas and stuff :D **

**Love you all **

**Tibbins xx**


	27. Combat

**Hey. I haven't got much time so Disclaimer stands and keep reviewing.**

**Dedicated to Missy Mel coz she awesome :D**

Roses POV

At 4 on the dot I was staring around at my small group of former friends.

Lissa was glaring at both me and Christian and Christian himself seemed amused by this, so I was glaring at him as he was gazing at Lissa as she was glaring at me, it was a mixed glaring/gazing triangle.

To distract myself I looked around at everyone else, Dimitri was standing by the door and looking at me with such pride and love that my knees went weak.

Eddie was sitting on the armchair with blatant curiosity plastered on his face and Adrian was lounging near the kitchen, leaning on one of the worktops, I looked into Lissa's eyes last of all. They burned with a malice that made me recoil

'Liss' I said, breaking the silence 'Will you just hear me out, please? And if you still hate me then you can go and … you can go' I finished lamely

Her expression faltered slightly, and a seed of doubt was planted in her mind. She stopped glaring so forcefully, and remembered what I had been like in the gym. All tears and bloodied hands and pleading eyes; her face softened as she remembered me spitting the words that I had learned to obey _They come first. _

All hatred she felt towards me vanished. Pity and empathy replaced it.

I smiled at her, and she smiled back as she flicked through all out memories together, all the times I had protected her and trusted her no matter what.

She nodded at me from where she stood, and, needing my best friend back I ran to her and gave her a huge hug. She started sobbing, stammering her apologies into my shoulder, apologies that I had accepted before she even formed the words.

We stood in out hug for a long time before Christian cleared his throat

'Nice as this is, you said you were going to _explain _things'

I rolled my eyes and let go of Lissa, pushing her gently to sit down on the bed next to Christian. Her answering smile was watery.

I looked around the room again at my friends, the people who were here simply because I had asked them.

They deserved to know the truth.

So, once again, I began my story. I was getting pretty good at it now, only this time, I left nothing out. Those who had heard it before listened patiently managing to control their reactions that the others couldn't.

But I didn't look at any of them. I couldn't. Not when I was putting several people who I now reconsidered friends in the blame; even though it wasn't their fault.

Once I had finished, I looked around to gauge reactions

Adrian and Dimitri were the calmest, having heard it before, Eddie looked revolted, Christian guilty and Lissa had tears running down her porcelain face, eyes wide and mouth open, feeling as shocked as she looked.

'Who … Who did that to you Rose?' she asked, now wanting to know but at the same time needing to.

I looked down and bit my lip.

'Rose' this time it was Dimitri who spoke but I still didn't glance up

'Jesse, Ralf, Andrew and some other guy I don't know' I mumbled to the carpet, scuffing the toe of my sneaker

Lissa was the first to jump up.

'No one does that to you Rose! I'll kill them!' She yelled, Christian was next, and then Dimitri, then the rest stood and gave assent to murder.

I rolled my eyes and looked up at them

'Stop it. Killing them won't change anything. But we have to figure out what to do about Jesse; any ideas? Apart from murder?'

They all shook their heads, still looking slightly homicidal.

I sighed.

'Tell Kirova' suggested Dimitri

'I can't' I said 'It was hard enough telling you guys, telling Kirova would be… And anyway, she wouldn't believe me'

'We'll come with you Rose' put in Eddie gently

'Damn right' said Christian

_Me too _whispered Lissa through the bond.

My eyes started to fill up. They still cared about me.

I smiled around at them then pulled them all in for a massive group hug.

Only Dimitri didn't join in, but he was smiling at the gathering in a way that said he wished he could have.

We decided at wait a couple of days while Lissa dispelled the rumours,

The next time I saw Jesse in the corridor, he had a black eye and although he leered at me, he skirted around the edged of the hallway.

'Jesse' I called he stopped and looked at me

'Why are you doing this?'

'Doing what Rose?' he mumbled, clearly not going to open up in a corridor.

'Nothing' I muttered and turned away, of to combat class.

I had run laps that morning; only getting to ten before becoming tired. Confused, I tried to force myself to run another, after all, in the real world; if a Strigoi was chasing me then I couldn't afford to get tired and stop, but after only a few paces the Ice tightened around my muscles, forcing me to my knees and I cried out in pain.

I knelt there for a minute or so, breathing heavily; then, as I felt the Ice relax slightly I pulled myself to my feet and made my way in.

I had thought that combat class would be easy; I had it all planned out. I would partner Eddie and he would go easy on me. But no; although we both tried to stand near each other, Matinova selected me to partner him.

Eddie shot me a sympathetic look as I glanced longingly over my shoulder at him. I was willing to bet my life that Matinova wouldn't go easy on me after I beat his ass last lesson.

As we crouched, the Ice sent a shiver down my spine and I flexed my free hand to hide my agitation.

Matinova made the first move and I dodged, barely; stumbling as I leaped out the way. But Matinova was wise to me now and spun round, reminding me of a bear, or a very angry mountain lion, before I could land a blow.

I had none of the bloodlust of the previous fight and I was pretty sure I was going to lose this one. Matinova sent a kick to my stomach before I could react and I flew backwards, coughing and I got up and managed to not drop my stake as I did so. I was exhausted and I couldn't even find any adrenalin to function with. Matinova launched himself at me again and I ended up back on the floor, straddled by Matinova.

I struggled pathetically, keeping him distractedly amused while I fumbled for my stake, as he was holding me down by my chest he had exposed his own and a sharp thump from me made him glower and sit up.

'A fluke' he growled as I stayed where I was, merely shuffling away from him slightly and rubbed my stomach where he had kicked. 'You can't count on a mistake like that from a real Strigoi'

I had no qualms in admitting he was right.

I was starting to feel dizzy now but I got to my feet; our pathetic scuffle had only lasted a couple of minutes.

'Rose, partner Andrew' Matinova barked. I Backed away from him, staring at him in horror

'But Eddie …' I protested, and it was true, Eddie had gone without a partner and had waited patiently for me.

'Andrew' he repeated forcefully.

I hung my head and Andrew swaggered over. His partner going to work with Eddie; Eddie meanwhile was in between shooting daggers at Matinova and Andrew and pleading and apologetic looks towards me. I shrugged and turned to face Andrew's smug face.

I had no energy to fight.

'Look Andrew' I said reasonably 'How about we go easy today? I feel like shit and I can't fight you properly'

His grin widened.

'Not gonna happen Rose. What's the matter? Late night last night?' he sniggered.

I didn't rise to his bait, I like to pretend that it was because I had finally mastered my self control but in reality I just couldn't be bothered.

I gripped my stake hard, knowing it was useless. Andrew fought dirty and I didn't have the energy to outsmart him.

It was getting colder and colder in the gym, or to me it was anyway. I felt frozen and clumsy as I dodged when Andrew lunged towards me; I tried to hit him but I missed, hitting instead another Andrew that was actually made of air. My dizziness and headache was worsening and Andrew took advantage, grabbing my calf and flipping me onto the ground. As he straddled me I closed my eyes, trying not to think of what he did in the woods. I pressed my lips together and waited for the blow over my heart to finish it, so I could swap and partner Eddie; but it didn't come.

Instead came a vicious uppercut to my jaw. It was a good thing my mouth and teeth were clenched or something could have cracked

'What the Hell?' I spat angrily at my assailant; who just grinned cockily, pleased to have gauged a reaction. 'Just fucking stake me already' I was still all too aware that he was on top of me and I wanted him off.

'Oh no' he hissed, leaning down so we wouldn't be overheard, I averted my eyes and glimpsed Eddie, easily holding off his attacker as he stared worriedly in our direction, as if contemplating coming over and tearing Andrew off me. I wish.

'I'm going to enjoy this' he added, punching me hard in the stomach. I groaned and tried to push him off, he rolled over as if I had succeeded but I knew my attempts were too feeble.

He had to keep up the pretence to Matinova that I was putting up a fight if he wanted to draw this out I realised, sparing a glance to the Guardian who, more often than not looked our way. As much as he hated me, he couldn't just let another novice beat me up right in front of him, especially if I wasn't responding.

So I struggled to my feet and shivered as the Ice crept upwards to the nape of my neck

Andrew leered at me and I shivered again under his hungry gaze, then he roundhouse kicked me, his foot connecting with my ribs and I heard something snap, and I was thankful that the Ice was numbing the pain, but it was still enough to make me double over and as I did so, Andrew karate chopped the back of my neck.

The ground rushed up to meet me and black spots dotted my vision. The pain was intense. It was as if the Ice was protesting to the hit and staining in all different directions, some seemed to be trying to burs out of my skin whereas some rushed upwards into my head. I hit the ground heavily, seeing nothing but silhouettes and shadows.

**Hope you enjoyed**

**Review :D**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	28. Agony

**Hey Guys, I'm sorry for that hurried bold scribble on the last chapter I was in a real hurry :)**

**This one is for Joleigh13 coz I liked her review XD And for acr421 coz i know the chapter Recruits was boring, but it had to go in there somewhere and I wrote it in like half an hour so... yer. I hope these last two chapter make up for it :D**

**And BTW my last chap was for MiSsY-MeL-183 go check out her story :D I would've sed it before but yer massive rush**

**Enjoy this chapter :D**

Roses POV

'Hathaway!' Matinova yelled; I looked up although I could barely see his facial features I could tell by his voice that he was angry.

'Class dismissed!' he yelled over his shoulder, just as the bell went.

I was still lying on the floor and some of the class seemed reluctant to leave, one in particular hung back for as long as he could before Matinova hustled him out the door.

Eddie, I thought fondly.

When the gym was empty besides us, Matinova marched over and hauled me to my feet

'Are you alright?' He asked, without any emotion. I nodded curtly, vision still screwed up and neck still thumping like there was a gerbil in there (I shivered at that thought) but no way was I going to admit it; after all, I'm still Rose Hathaway.

Matinova face shape changed so I assume he was looking at me weirdly. Then he just shrugged and left too.

As soon as he did, my vision went completely black and I met the floor again.

When I woke up someone was calling my name, and I scrunched up my eyes before answering

'What the Hell d'ya want?'

A brief chuckle followed by a hand on my forehead

'Gerroff' I groaned, flapping my hand at the offender before opening my eyes to glare at them

It was Eddie, his face anxious

'Rose? Are you ok? What happened? Why did you collapse?'

'Jeez, who are you? Anne bloody Robinson? And for your information Eddie I didn't collapse, I just … tested gravity … And it still works' I grumbled groggily.

'Right' said Eddie sarcastically, gently he slid his hand behind my head and lifted it so it was supported, unknowingly jarring the Ice in my neck as he did so. Seeing my grimace he laid my head back down.

'Help me up' I wailed at him, reaching up an arm

'Are you sure you can walk?' he teased

'Eddie!' I sighed 'Stop being so patronising!' he just grinned and took the proffered hand and yanked me up, or at least he tried, halfway the Ice clamped down again, squeezing all my muscles and bones and organs and whatever else is in there, I fell back down with a thump and Eddie's expression quickly turned worried again. He bit his lip, and looked back and forth between the door and me, evidently wanting to go for help, but not pleased about the fact that I would be alone while he went to get said help.

'I don't want to leave you' he said, years of training had ingrained into him that he should never leave a person who needed help.

I rolled my eyes up at him

'I'll be fine'

He just looked sceptical, but the need to get help grew too much and he ran out the gym. I just lay there, not knowing where he was going until I felt that familiar tug

Ms Carmack droned on and on about the merits of magic while Lissa idly doodled; she was thinking about me, and what had been done to me. She glanced over at Jesse and Ralf and was glad to see that they both looked worse for the wear. She felt horrible about how she'd acted towards me and was contemplating buying me some new perfume when Eddie rapped on the door and entered

'Sorry to interrupt Ms Carmack but I need to borrow Lissa for a moment'

Lissa was out of her chair and out the door before Ms Carmack gave her consent.

I zoned back into my own head, I didn't want to hear Eddie's version of the details.

As I lay there, concentrating on breathing, the Ice shifted and tightened again, wrapping around the fracture in my rib that I had forgotten about until now, making my gasp in the sudden flare of pain, and not just my rib; as the Ice contracted around my muscles it started to squash and even rip into my biceps and calves.

It was such a weird feeling; like being hacked at, but from the inside.

I concentrated on the weirdness, to try and distract myself from the pain, it didn't work very well but it offered some relief.

I sensed Lissa before she and Eddie came back into the gym, she ran over and knelt beside me, not hesitating in sending healing Sprit energy into me, I sighed in brief respite as my muscles and rib repaired.

I opened my eyes and grinned at her, aware that the Ice was still there; but I was past expecting it to go away.

Lissa looked back in relief.

Until the Ice condensed again, this time more forcefully, biting deep into my muscles, thankfully my rib stayed healed.

I felt my face contort, unable to stay in the stoic guardian mask under such agony. Lissa bit her lip, eyes widening and she tried again,

Again, my muscles closed up, after that sensation of hot, cold, hot, only it never quite got to hot, it stopped at lukewarm.

And once again, the Ice rebelled, slashing through my muscle, even deeper than before and I screamed with the torturous agony knowing that if Lissa tried to heal me again, then next time it would slice right through,

'Lissa!' I cried between my self muffled screams of pain 'Stop! Please! You're making it worse!'

By this time Lissa was frantic, she couldn't heal me, and she couldn't help me. She didn't know what to do, she glanced, terrified at Eddie who ran a hand through his hair as he stared at me, the agony of indecision on his face. But he tried to appear calm, for Lissas sake.

'We can't move her' he said soothingly, in a voice of forced calm 'we might hurt her more' His eyes flickered to me as I made incomprehensible whimpers in the back of my throat as if he didn't think there was more pain than this and I silently agreed.

'You stay with her' he decided at last and when she opened her mouth to say that she couldn't stay and watch me in so much pain he cut in 'I can run faster than you, and I'll go to the clinic and get help, Dr Olendzki will know what to do' He said that last part with no real certainty, but after another anxious glance at me, he bolted out the door.

**Sooo... Poor Rose, but at least I was nice to her for a while XD **

**Let me know what you think :D**

**Keep the reviews coming :D and if your new to this story then feel free to comment on previous chapters :D I LOVE reviews so much that I don'd care what chapter it's about.  
And the review I like best will get the next dedication :D Now thats a deal XD**

**Love you all **

**Tibbins xx**


	29. Love

**Hey guys :) The last two chapters seemed to be a big hit :D YAY XD**

**Richelle Mead owns all the characters and shizzle**

**This one is for dimitrisfuturegf because this one is specially for her XD coz she begged me for some RxD and for my 300th reviewer kinanbon x3 THANKS GUYS :D**

**Enjoy :D**

Roses POV

I don't know how long I lay there, focusing on the strangeness of the pain rather than the pain itself to take away the edge of it. It totally sucked that the gym was at the other end of the school to the clinic.

Lissa just sat there, she was too scared that she might try to use Spirit again; she couldn't stand to see me in this kind of agony. For her it felt like her heart had been cleaved in two, she wanted to help but all she could do was watch and check herself if she almost tried to heal me again.

After a while, someone came running into the gym

Dimitri.

My lips involuntarily twitched upwards when I saw him. His eyes were full of concern and fear.

'Relax Comrade' I choked,

'Oh Roza what happened?' my heart flipped at the sound of my Russian name, probably not a good idea with Ice wrapped around it.

I rolled my eyes, and Lissa, seeing a reprieve from the torture of feeling helpless, said that if Dimitri would stay with me then she would go and keep watch.

Dimitri nodded at once and Lissa scooted out the door.

'She's keen to leave' He remarked

'Don't blame her' I said 'She did all she could do'

'Didn't she heal you?' he sounded almost angry

'Yeah, twice, but it just made it worse' I smiled weakly 'Never mind'

'Does it hurt much?' he asked, as if he didn't want to know the answer but he felt the need to share my burden

'Like a bitch' I assented, letting out a brief, breathy chuckle at the question

'Are you scared?'

I glanced at him and swallowed, but I knew he had to hear me say it; he wanted me to say no, that he was being stupid and clucking like a mother hen. But he wanted that to be the truth.

Instead I tried to buy myself time

'Me?' I scoffed in as Rose Hathawayey a way that I could, he put a hand on my forehead and stroked my hair,

'You' he said gently, seeing through my bravado.

'Terrified shitless Comrade' I admitted softly.

He leaned towards me and our lips met. Not to be soppy or anything, but he put so much love and strength and hope into that kiss that I knew that he honestly believed I was going to be ok.

He made me feel stronger.

'Thank you' I whispered, and we lapsed into silence for a few seconds; while he just stroked my hair and crooned nonsense words in Russian in order to soothe me. And I was soothed. As always he lent me his power and belief and love, and I ate it all up like a starving dog.

The pain was getting worse and I knew I was going to pass out soon, black spots were dancing across my eyes but I could still see Dimitri clearly, I memorized his face, every worry and laugh line, every shape of his lips and nose, every strand of his hair and every single depth of his eyes.

'I love you' I said. I knew he knew it but I just had to make sure, knowing I was going to black out and not knowing if I was going to wake up again.

'And I love you' He whispered, nuzzling into my ear so his breath blew on my earlobe.

'Dimitri?' I pleaded. I had one more thing to ask of him

'Yes, my Roza?' I knew by his tone that he would grant me anything right now. If I asked him to kill the bastard that had done this to me then he would do it without a second thought. I didn't however think that he would leave me at the moment … nor do the chicken dance around the gym.

'Hold me' I begged. I knew it would hurt more if he moved me, but I didn't care, I needed him just then.

Without hesitation he brought my head into his lap and slid his arms under mine and clasped them tightly over my stomach, he bent over so I could still see him and he planted a kiss to my forehead.

I closed my eyes and savoured the sensations of absolute love. The Ice cracked and loosened a little; but I passed out before I could open them again.

**So watcha think? **

**Shorter than usual I know but i thought that since I did two yesterday I could get away with it. And anyway this seemed like a good place to end it :)**

**Let me know all opinions, ideas and messages are welcome :D**

**Please review :D**

**Love you all**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	30. Lamentations

**Hey =3 another shortie but I hope you don't mind :D And seeing as it's my second shortie today you could put them together with a split in the middle and call them one long one XD**

**Richelle Mead made up all these fantastic characters and I promise not to break anything... kinda**

**This one has to go to DarkRomanceAddict because she has loyally reviewed on practically every chapter and I've never mentioned her before. I'm sorry :/**

**I hope this makes it up to you**

**Enjoy :D**

Roses POV

I don't remember much after that, more pain as I was moved, more pain as people yelled my name, More pain as the Ice became agitated; just more pain.

I think I dropped in and out of consciousness for a long time, but for the most part I was in a pace where time is irrelevant, measured only by the pain.

Eventually I opened my eyes to see stark white tiles that were irritatingly familiar; the bloody clinic.

The pain was still there, but I had a feeling that it wasn't going to go away so I didn't acknowledge it and instead turned my head to the side, only to see Dr Olendzki peering behind the curtain at me.

'Rose' she said surprised 'you're awake'

'And here we have Dr Obvious' I said sarcastically, she just raised an eyebrow and I grumbled… I hate it when people do that.

'So what's the diagnosis?' I asked. Squaring my shoulders, bracing myself for the bad news

'You don't beat around the bush do you?' She replied, a delaying tactic, I realised. That must mean really bad news.

'Shut up and talk'

Dr Olendzki sighed and sat down next to my bed

'You're getting worse Rose' she said, smiling at me sadly 'you have been unconscious for twelve hours and even in that time the Ice has entered your brain and its … some kind of living entity, which means that it moves, and multiplies, and manipulates.'

'So …' I prompted already knowing most of this, but, being the professional that she was she had to go through the entire medical reasoning.

'So, because we don't know what it is then we can't find out what's causing it'

I sighed and let my head flop back onto the pillow.

'Yeah well,' I muttered 'you probably couldn't find your ass if it sat on your face'

Dr Olendzki chuckled

'Well' she said practically as she stood up 'At least it hasn't affected the famous Hathaway personality'

'So I'm still Badass huh?' I grinned, she nodded and was about to disappear behind the curtain before I called her back

'Um… Dr Olendzki' I ventured, biting my lip and fiddling with the corner of the gross hospital gown (seriously why couldn't they be pretty at least?)

'Yes Rose?' she said over her shoulder

'Um… How much time do I … you know … have left?'

Her eyes turned sad and she looked down at me with pity and regret in her expression

'We can't say for sure Rose, but judging by the rapidity of this … Ice, then the most I can give you is…' She paused and I swallowed before she answered, and as she spoke her eyes filled with tears and she left my cubicle instantly, and on the other side of the curtain I could hear her choking sobs.

I sat there, shocked. My mouth was gaping open and shut like a fish, as if I was going to start spouting excuses for why that was impossible, she might have a medical degree and she might call it backchat but I call it explaining why she's _wrong! _There can be no way, in Hell or above it, that I … _I _… Rose Hathaway had finally met her match.

I almost laughed at the irony, no Strigoi or Guardian could beat me in battle, but I was losing to my own body.

One word floated around my mind, and it wouldn't go away until it burst out of my mouth in a wave of cold anger

'Typical!'

Oh God, what was I going to tell my friends?

Eddie? Lissa? Adrian? My _Mom?_ Dimitri?

I was barely aware of the tears as they coursed down my cheeks as I thought of them, my friends, my family, my home.

My shoulders heaved in a broken sob that was part pain as the Ice cut into my lungs, as I thought of them; all of them, Mason and Christian included. All the memories that only we would know, the ones between Mason and I would be lost forever. Moments of pure joy and frivolity just gone. Snuffed out like a candle and nobody would know.

I had known that I was dying of course. But to have a time limit was quite different; and I was already mourning the loss of it, the conversations we would never have, the jokes we would never tell or laugh at … the love that we would never share.

I raised an arm and ignored my bitching biceps to wipe the tears away. No one sees Rose Hathaway cry. Not even in death.

Nonetheless, I couldn't get that time limit out of my head. It whirled round and round, not letting me dwell on anything else. I couldn't believe that's all I had until it was all over.

'Four hours'

**So... I was going to do a day or two but then I thought ... Nah XD**

**Watcha think?**

**BTW I'd better warn you that although everything will fit together in the end, most of the action will be told in Dimitris POV in my next fanfic which will be called 'Of Weeds and Roza' **

**Hey I never said I was creative XD**

**Let me know your opinions on this and anything else you wanna talk about :D**

**Love you all**

**Tibbins xx**


	31. Goodbyes

**Hey :) heres the next chapter, The end is now looming :/ I'm gonna be sad when it's finished, but even if it's months after it's been written you can still review :D**

**The Disclaimer still stands**

**This chapter is for Emma Lu because she read twenty 9 chapters in a day O.o now thats dedication XD love you :D**

**Enjoy**

Roses POV

Four hours… Four hours is all I have left to live. Less than a day!

I asked Dr Olendzki to see my friends; she had told me earlier that they were all waiting outside. She nodded once but said only one at a time, I argued briefly that I didn't have the time but she wouldn't budge.

I requested to see Lissa first, knowing that she'd kill me herself if I asked for anyone else. She was barely in the door before she was stammering her apologies at being incompetent and the worst healer ever and the worst friend that ever lived.

I just reached out for her and she walked into my arms. I let her keep apologising for a bit but then I said firmly

'Look Lissa. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Ok?' Lissa nodded tearfully and then asked me what was going on.

Well what could I say to that? She had no idea that I was dying.

'Rose what is it?' she noticed that my eye looked immeasurably sad and she was becoming panicky. 'What's wrong with you?'

'I'm dying Lissa' I said after a deep breath 'The good Dr gave me four hours to live' I spoke in monotone, without emotion, as if my impending doom was of the same interest as Kirova's latest lecture for my newest misdemeanour.

Lissa's hand shot to her mouth as she gasped and horror and pain entered her eyes. I looked down, feeling like I wished I was dead already so I wouldn't have to feel the regret and just plain sadness that radiated through the bond.

'Dying?' she whispered, her voice breaking on that single word and I nodded slowly, meeting her eyes, they were welling up and she backed away from me, and I would've been hurt if I couldn't feel the real reason for it.

She was ashamed of herself, thinking back to all the times when I had refused to fight back or react to her bitchiness. That time in the canteen when she had accused me of murdering Mason and I had just ran out.

All this only took a second to flash through her minds eye but before the movie was over, she had run out of my cubicle, her sobs echoing with her receeding footsteps, and I was left with my mouth open, words of comfort dying on the air.

I pressed my lips together, poor Lissa. She felt horrible and it was all Jesse's fault.

I then heard another voice at the door, a deep, velvety Russian laced, beautiful voice that got closer as he neared my deathbed.

'Rose? Are you decent?' I grinned and called back to him

'Me?' He chuckled and slipped through the curtain. Worry clear on his face when he saw my attempt to smile.

Ignoring the chair he sat on the bed and took my hand, stroking my palm gently with his thumb, I sighed at the soothing sensation and closed my eyes, just savouring the ordinariness of this gesture.

'So why did Lissa run out in tears?' he asked gently

I sighed again. I was figuring that this wouldn't get any easier no matter how many times I said it.

'Dr Olendzki said that I have four hours to live' I whispered.

Dimitri's face barely changed, but I knew it wasn't without effort. There was a strain in his eyes that told me just how much it cost him to hear the news.

Then I looked at the clock on my bedside table

'Well, three and a half hours now' I added, and his face tightened even more.

'I've got to go' he said abruptly, standing up so quickly that my hand fell painfully back onto the bed,

'Why?' I whined. I didn't want him to go. It was like he just wanted to be as far away from me as possible. He took one look at me and seemed to sense what I was feeling, his face softened and he reached out a hand

'Because I'm sure you want to see your other friends too. And anyway, I can't help you by sitting around and waiting for you to die.' We both flinched at his words, but I saw his point. Nonetheless I couldn't bear the idea that this might be the last time I would ever see him. All of our time together flashed through my head in a nanosecond, but that was enough to know that I couldn't say goodbye to him. Not yet.

'Come back to me' I begged. The words had blurted from my subconscious and I blushed, not meaning to say it out loud.

He smiled and promised that he would, and then he left.

Adrian was next, then Christian, and then Eddie; they were all shocked by the news and although none of them cried Eddie looked like he was close. Christian couldn't think of any snarky remark and Adrian was speechless.

I would've found it funny if the whole situation was different. But it wasn't and as it was, all I saw was the pain in their eyes as they looked at me. Eddie especially; I could tell that he felt like he was losing Mason all over again, our sibling protectiveness flared up, I felt like I should at least have the decency to tell him a proper goodbye.

'Eddie.' I began, his eyes met mine 'You know neither me nor Mason blame you. It's not your fault that he died.'

He shook his head

If only I had held him back when he went back in' he said sadly, then his eyes widened 'Not that I would've chosen him over you … I mean'

I cut him off. 'He saved my life Eddie. But, you're right, I wish that he hadn't come back.'

'I was senseless' he said

'I know.'

'I'm gonna miss you Rose' he said. His voice was desolate and it was the way he said it that touched me. I reached for his hand and clasped it

'I'll miss you too Eddie.'

He leaned in and kissed my cheek 'I'd better go' he said 'Goodbye Rose'

'Goodbye, my brother' I said under my breath, but I think he heard.

Another look at the clock told me that I had less than two hours left.

Dr Olendzki said that my Mom had been called, and during my last hour everyone would be let in at the same time for last goodbyes, but the flight would take another hour and a half, and that I probably would have lost consciousness by then.

I sighed, and wondered what Dimitri was doing. Thinking of all my friends made me tear up, and pretty soon I was bawling like a baby.

I still couldn't believe that I would never see them again. That realisation was more painful than the Ice, and that was saying something.

I really hoped I would stay conscious until the very end. Maybe then I could say a proper goodbye.

**So there you have it :D **

**Watcha think? I didn't include everyones goodbye 'coz it probably would've been repetitive**

**Let me know all opinions :D**

**Love you all**

**Tibbins xx**


	32. Endings

**Hey guys :D ... Look, im uber sorry about mot updating. Life has been hectic and I got my laptop confiscated for ages **

**But it's back now ^^ **

**I don't know wether to leave this as the last chapter or continue ... hmn...**

**You'll have to tell me :D**

**Disclaimer applies**

**and this chapter is for Twilighternproud AND KitKat coz i liked their reviews ^^ thankies :D 3**

**Enjoy :D**

Roses POV

With an hour and a half to go I started to get dizzy. Dr Olendzki came over to have a look.

'I'm sorry Rose' she said sadly 'It seems to have gone into your brain now.' She patted my hand sympathetically 'You should pass out soon. And then you won't be in pain any more.'

I grinned at her 'Well that's new' I teased

'Would you like your friends to come back in now? We still haven't heard from your mother so we assume she's still on the plane. It shouldn't be long now Rose' she said quietly and I nodded

'Yeah, I'd like my friends back thanks'

She went to the door and called them in; then she tactfully disappeared to do something else.

'Where's Dimitri?' I asked scanning the group 'And Eddie?'

Lissa frowned

'Dimitri took Eddie when he left your room, then they both went somewhere.'

Wow. If she hadn't had so much on her mind then I would have told her that I could have guessed as much. As it was I accepted her answer and turned the conversation to trivial things.

Adrian asked what flowers were my favourite and I told him that if he put roses down then I would come back and haunt him forever. He laughed at that and said

'Lily's it is.'

I assented and gave him my notebook with my epitaph in it; that made them all laugh, somewhat tearfully.

With an hour to go my mother came running in, she caught me up in a bone crunching hug and the force of it caught me by surprise; there were tears on her cheeks and her hair was ragged and her shirt was untucked and she just didn't look like the smart, collected woman I had grown to resent and respect. I hugged her back, my own eyes welling up, but I brushed aside the tears impatiently. Eventually she stepped back, her expression calmer than it had been, but her eyes were still frantic.

'I'm sorry Rose' she said, as if suddenly aware she had an audience 'I'm so sorry.'

'Mom, it's ok.' I said, taking her hand, not really sure what she was apologising for but needing to reassure her anyway.

Her face crumpled again and she blew her nose on a tissue.

'Um… Ms Hathaway?' said Adrian standing up from his chair 'would you like to sit down?' I almost cracked a smile, ever the gentleman.

Janine Hathaway nodded and sank into the chair, still clutching my hand as if she would never let it go.

My vision was starting to blur, and the images of my friends doubled, but I shook my head in a vain attempt to clear it and didn't speak of it to anyone.

Conversation resumed, still trivial, but I was touched all the same that they were here at all. I mean it can't be pleasant, sitting around and waiting for your friend to die. Lissa was telling me that much through the bond, even though it seemed stretched somehow, distant, as if it were clogged up with water; and I only got the faintest sense of her. Maybe I would have none at all had her emotions been less profound.

I still waited for Dimitri and Eddie to come back. But I had a feeling that I wouldn't see them again. And that thought made me feel sadder than ever.

Nevertheless I didn't let it stop me from laughing at a joke that Adrian just told, or at a funny story from my Mom about her placement.

Eventually though, I began to fade out. Spots of blackness dotted my vision, obscuring the faces of my friends.

Their expressions ranged from distraught to upset to terrified.

Some of them called my name but by that time I was too far gone to make out whom. But just as I was closing my eyes (I was suddenly sooo _tired)_, another figure or two ran into my room.

Then there was a massive cracking sound and the Ice splintered into what felt like a million tiny slithers, each slicing through me somewhere. I think I screamed but I can't be sure,

Suddenly there was a huge surge of pain, my temperature was haywire.

Then all was Darkness.

**Ok :s I know its short and I'm sorry, but as soom as I got my laptop back I was typing away...**

**Am i forgiven? **

**Review and let me know :D**

**Love you all**

**Tibbins xx**


	33. Finality

**Wow... guys this is it. The last chapter ... IM GONNA CRY :'(**

**You guys have all been absolutely fantastic and Amazing. This goes to all of you, especially MiSsY-MeL-183 for all the advice and stuff. And Just all of you.**

**Don't forget to look out for 'OF WEEDS AND ROZA' Which will be this in Dimitri's POV.**

**Disclaimer applies.**

**I hope you enjoy. =3**

Roses POV

A bright light made me open my eyes… A long tunnel of light was right in front of me, making the Darkness retreat and recoil under its bright beam. A thought passed through my sluggish brain.

_Well I'll be damned… there is a Heaven after all_! _Well… at least Lissa can't say 'I told you so'_

I smiled inwardly at that thought. I knew that I was dead but that thought no longer seemed to bother me. And for the first time, I thought of my friends without sorrow; knowing that they would be okay in the end, no matter what.

I began to figuratively dance down the tunnel.

Then I stopped.

I was still Rose Hathaway and Rose Hathaway does NOT dance down pretty bright death tunnels.

So I stuck my hands in my pockets and scuffed my shoe while I regained my dignity, then I sauntered a bit further. It would be so easy to just carry on walking.

I stopped again.

What the _Hell _was I doing?

I was Rose Hathaway! I _never_ did the easy thing! And my friends needed me! And I needed to kill Jesse! And I needed to see Dimitri, he _promised!_

With that thought the tunnel dimmed slightly and I flinched away from the Darkness.

Oops … I think I broke Heaven.

Suddenly, the tunnel disappeared altogether! The Darkness overwhelmed me, dragging me down, down, down.

'Get that fucking light out of my eyes!' I grumbled. 'Jeez if this is Heaven it sucks! Where's the endless awesomeness? But Oh no; it's just bloody _light!'_

'Rose, with a mouth like that you won't be going to Heaven' came a sarcastic voice to my left.

I blinked rapidly, trying to focus on the speaker so I could tell it to fuck off.

Eventually, my eyes focused on a very pale Christian Ozera. I mumbled my obscenity and he laughed, but it was a strained laugh, and it held a lot of grief, I'm sure I looked my puzzlement and had just opened my mouth to enquire when a wonderfully deep and familiar voice sounded.

'Roza.' My head turned automatically towards his voice and my eyes widened.

His eyes were sunken with a grief and pain that I was sure had nothing to do with me, underneath that was a deep joy and longing; but the unhappiness in his face made me ask.

'What happened?'

He smiled, but it was a tired smile; he came over and wrapped me in his embrace; tilting my head up for a passionate kiss. I melted into him, not caring that we had an audience that possibly included my mother, not caring that Lissa had tactfully let go of my hand and was filled with a numb shock, only caring that he was here, and I was alive, and he was gorgeous.

After a while though, several people started strategically coughing and we broke apart, grinning guiltily around the room, fortunately my mom wasn't there and my friends were taking it quite well, some (including Adrian and Christian) rolled their eyes knowingly, and the rest gave me small understanding smiles, I smiled back, then Lissa threw her arms around me, sobbing uncontrollably.

'I'm so glad you're ok' she managed between sobs 'I thought you were … were …'

'Shhhhh Liss, its ok' I said softly, stroking her hair and patting her back at the same time. 'Everything's ok now honey'

She nodded and pulled back, tears still shining in her emerald eyes, I smiled back at her, and then she turned back to Christian and gave him a hug too. He was still paler than usual, but he reached out and managed to give me a half hug.

'Ok… What's the deal? I'm alive and no ones over the moon ecstatic except Lissa. And she doesn't know what's going on either!' I pouted. I have to admit, I was slightly hurt by their lack of joy. I mean I might not have been their best friends for the past few weeks but hey, I thought we had made up.

Christian laughed once humourlessly then turned away, and neither Adrian nor Eddie would meet my eyes. So I turned my gaze on Dimitri; fixing him with my 'puppy dog' look.

Dimitri sighed and rolled his head back, rubbing at the nape of his neck with his hand.

'Rose, you were wrong.' I blinked

'What?' I exclaimed with fake shock 'I'm never wrong! I thought I was wrong once … but I was mistaken.'

He let out a slight chuckle at my dry humour, but didn't elaborate.

'So… what in particular was I wrong about?'

'It wasn't Jesse.' His tone was flat and emotionless; I think I looked my confusion

'I think I know who …' he cut me off

'No, not that, the whole plot; everything Rose.' His eyes glanced up to meet mine, they were dark and deep and there was a loss in them that hadn't been there before.

'Well then who?' I couldn't imagine who else it could be!

'Tasha' said Eddie darkly, I spun around

'What!'

'It was Tasha, she was sucking all the heat out of your body using her Fire element; she nearly froze you into a frigging ice block!'

Eddie was out the door two seconds later, loathing all over his features.

I turned to face Dimitri again. Time seemed to have stopped. After everything; all out planning and what Jesse had done to me, it wasn't him after all? I had liked Tasha. Worse I had trusted her! I hadn't even seen her around much less seen this coming. I mean … What the _FUCK_?

Eventually my mouth started working and a strangled sound came out. I tried again and formed a word. Just the one.

'Why?'

'Dimitri's face was still impassive, but I could see sympathy stirring in those dark depths,

Christian came to his rescue. Looking at his feet he spoke, his voice blank

'Aunt Tasha wanted to get to Lissa. She thought that if she killed you, Lissa would go insane like Anna, and then she could get to work on the rest of the Moroi community, using the blow of the last Dragomirs insanity to push on her idea for Moroi fighting. She was behind Jesse, Ralf and Andrew's stunt. She was also jealous' he added, reluctantly meeting my eyes which were as wide as dinner plates 'About Dimitri. She wanted him for herself too. So she caused you pain in spite.' He shrugged apologetically.

'So where is she now?' I think I was still in shock and the question burst randomly out of my mouth. Christian flinched and looked back at his shoes

'She's dead Rose.' Explained Adrian sadly.

'She was going mad herself' put in Dimitri bitterly 'She tried to sink her teeth into Ralf and turn Strigoi to escape. I had to …' he trailed off, his eyes shut tight and a single tear leaked out of his left. I watched in horror; unable to contend with his grief. I blinked and looked down; placing a hand on his shoulder I said three words that made him look up

'I'm sorry Dimitri' I said 'I'm so sorry.' I moved my thumb to his coarse cheek and stroked gently.

He placed his hand over mine.

'I'd do anything to protect you Rose.'

'Even kill your best friend?' I was touched by his love for me, but we were so in tune that I felt his pain, and his sorrow was also mine. We were both betrayed.

And despite everything. I would miss Tasha; she had been bubbly and fun and kind. Now wasn't the time to resent her for what she had done to me and nearly to Lissa. Now we should mourn her. The joy at being alive could come later.

Maybe much later.

My Mom came in and I jumped away from Dimitri like I'd just been tasered, he looked up alarmed, but his lips twitched when he saw Janine.

'Rose' she said breathlessly, 'your awake!' she rushed over and hugged me

'Alive and kicking' I said before I got smothered in my mothers arms. 'Mom' I choked 'Can't … breathe.' She released me, looking somewhat embarrassed, but her eyes shone with unshed tears as she looked at me, a joy that went too deep to be called happiness.

I smiled at her 'its ok Mom. Everything's ok.' She nodded and pulled me in for another hug. I clung to her like I did when I was 4 and she was leaving me at the Academy.

She left again soon after that, saying she needed to get back to her charge. I think she had used up all her emotion and couldn't bear to be seen as a softie. That thought made my grin. She is definitely my mother.

Dr Olendzki made me stay in bed for several days, and only released me on the reluctant promise of no training for a week.

As soon as I left the clinic I headed for the gym. I needed to work out. Jeesh I'd been doing sweet FA for the past week and I needed to keep in shape. I fingered the _chotki_ on my wrist. Lissa was in bed; she had been exhausted lately. She said that when Dimitri and Eddie had rushed in, they said that the Ice had been broken and she could heal me again, which she did, but it had been a hard one. In fact I had been dead for a while and Liss had brought me back. Something I was grateful for, even if I did resent her healing I was glad she had.

Now everything was back the way it had been.

Well… almost everything.

Jesse, Ralf, Andrew and the other guy, who I found out was called Dave had been chucked out dishonourably; which meant they were gonna be hard put to find another school placement. Although Tasha had admitted to use compulsion on Christian and in turn Lissa to make her so unreasonably angry and spiteful, and on Jesse and co, she merely had to plant the idea in the boys' brains. She was too weak from constant compulsion to force them on me. They basically did it of their own free will… pricks.

She had also used compulsion on me. That time on the bridge, she had met me when I was going into the woods, she made me feel depressed and suicidal and then compulsed me to forget I had seen her. But Dimitri had found me and foiled her plan to bump me off then. She had made me cut and enjoy it. Tasha had thought of everything. Her plan was perfect; only she underestimated Dimitri's love for me. And that, in the end, is what saved me.

**So ... There you have it. The final ending.**

**What do you think? Disappointing? Amazing? Let me know.**

**You guys have been awesome and I thank you for that**

**I love you all soooooo much :D**

**Love Tibbins xx 3**


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